Random musings

1. Someday I would like to own a car that I do not have to start with a spoon.

2. Bill O'Really blamed Barack Obama for (hand to God) the NBC/latenight/Jay Leno/Conan debacle. Without irony.

C. I made the Cheesy Potato Casserole with the "sauteed" Frosted Flakes® on top tonight. My secret? First, I grill up an onion to put up in there. Once in the oven, it makes the whole trailer smell good.

7. I don't have any more money to send to Haiti. But would if I could. And I still wish the Haitians in Key West would learn to speak some of the more good English.

Ω. I am still an Idiot-Savant. I'm 85% idiot and 30% savant.

R. I'm so disorganized. I can't find my car spoons anywhere.

Our next family vacation.

Wendy, pack a LARGE cooler. Mom, see if you can score some blotter acid. I'm off to pick up Jeannine!

Where's my stupid amendment?

I totally understand the Stupak Amendment banning federal funds from covering abortions (a legal medical procedure). A large portion of our society has a moral objection to abortion and shouldn't have to see their tax dollars used for such. We must respect their beliefs.

Now, see, I'm a Jehovah's Witness. If you should need a blood transfusion (an obvious abomination against the Lord Bejebus), I don't feel I should have to pay for that.

Also, if the Lord decides to burn your house down with lighting, who are we to fund a fire department to thwart His wishes?

Hey, Mom! Start practicing!

The most confusing fucking thing I have ever seen:

Don't get me wrong. It is very nice to get a Christmas card from these just-so-lovely people. And I'm sure you people know a bit more about them than I do. But, from my point of view, most of what I know about these two fun fun fun people pertains to Beer,Burgers, Cornhole-ing and glittered snails. Like I said, fun fun fun!

But, as God as my witness, I didn't know that they had a kid. Especially a kid that looks younger than our friendship is old. How can a baby make me feel betrayed? Damn baby.

Or do they? Those second two pictures look like they stumbled upon one of those public-attractions where you put your head up to a painted plywood muscle man or mermaid. "Hey, Honey. Look! A Baby. Take my picture with it. Now let me take your picture with it!" They could get into trouble doing that.

Then there's the pose. Both of them seem to be saying "Looky, looky! I'm holding a baby and have virtually no poo on the palm of my hand!"

Then there is the question of that first picture. Who the hell took that picture? The Baby? Smug fucking baby photographer!

Then the baby gets left out of the final credits. "Merry Christmas! Bruce and Michelle". And? And? No "Special cameo appearance" by Little Baby Betterthanyou?

Who the hell is this baby? And why it she using the "Dog and Bone" motif, yet picturing the tot and not the pet? What did this devious baby do to the dogs?

I just don't trust this baby. She is out to harm my friends. Just what is this little Cornhole-Kid have planned?

And Merry Christmas, and to all a good night!

British scientists are so reserved.

Adage du'Jour

The key to a healthy pregnancy is to avoid Rum-based drinks and non-mentholated cigarettes in the third trimester. Of course, the occasional Pina Colada is acceptable, as the coconut milk is good for the baby.