Where's my stupid amendment?

I totally understand the Stupak Amendment banning federal funds from covering abortions (a legal medical procedure). A large portion of our society has a moral objection to abortion and shouldn't have to see their tax dollars used for such. We must respect their beliefs.

Now, see, I'm a Jehovah's Witness. If you should need a blood transfusion (an obvious abomination against the Lord Bejebus), I don't feel I should have to pay for that.

Also, if the Lord decides to burn your house down with lighting, who are we to fund a fire department to thwart His wishes?

Hey, Mom! Start practicing!

The most confusing fucking thing I have ever seen:

Don't get me wrong. It is very nice to get a Christmas card from these just-so-lovely people. And I'm sure you people know a bit more about them than I do. But, from my point of view, most of what I know about these two fun fun fun people pertains to Beer,Burgers, Cornhole-ing and glittered snails. Like I said, fun fun fun!

But, as God as my witness, I didn't know that they had a kid. Especially a kid that looks younger than our friendship is old. How can a baby make me feel betrayed? Damn baby.

Or do they? Those second two pictures look like they stumbled upon one of those public-attractions where you put your head up to a painted plywood muscle man or mermaid. "Hey, Honey. Look! A Baby. Take my picture with it. Now let me take your picture with it!" They could get into trouble doing that.

Then there's the pose. Both of them seem to be saying "Looky, looky! I'm holding a baby and have virtually no poo on the palm of my hand!"

Then there is the question of that first picture. Who the hell took that picture? The Baby? Smug fucking baby photographer!

Then the baby gets left out of the final credits. "Merry Christmas! Bruce and Michelle". And? And? No "Special cameo appearance" by Little Baby Betterthanyou?

Who the hell is this baby? And why it she using the "Dog and Bone" motif, yet picturing the tot and not the pet? What did this devious baby do to the dogs?

I just don't trust this baby. She is out to harm my friends. Just what is this little Cornhole-Kid have planned?

And Merry Christmas, and to all a good night!

British scientists are so reserved.

Adage du'Jour

The key to a healthy pregnancy is to avoid Rum-based drinks and non-mentholated cigarettes in the third trimester. Of course, the occasional Pina Colada is acceptable, as the coconut milk is good for the baby.

Quiz:

Who was the least Beatle?

A: John
B: George
C: Ringo
D: Brice
E: Paul
(Pete is not allowed.)

SubQuiz: Why am I only 45, not a particular fan, and know who Pete is/was? Answer: You are Old.

First Question's answer? Dah, it's Ringo. Only one who couldn't play Guitar. And Brice had some delightful harmony!

Adage du'Jour

The teaching of "abstinence-only" sex education to pubescence kids is very much like telling a menopausal woman that she should get herself a fan.

It ain't gonna work and somebody is going to wind up with sore testicles.

I scared the dog laughing at this:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
The 11/3 Project
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

Pee shy shy

Mee-Maw always taught me "If you try to tinkle in the creek, a big catfish will bite your weiner and never let go"

Also, I can only poop in my own home.

Vacations can be problematic.

The Power of (no) Words

Adage du' Jours

The ability to correctly identify the weakness of others does not indicate the strength of oneself.

I just made that up!

I need to remember that sometimes. But not nearly as much as some other assholes need to remember it!

Fanfare

TO: Steve Turner

FROM: Connie Christian
Executive Director

DATE: October 16, 2009

RE: 90 Day Increase

On behalf of the Board of Directors and myself, I would like you to know that we are happy that you are part of the FKSPCA team. Effective this pay period, your hourly rate has been increased to $10.20. Please don't hesitate to let me know if you have any questions.

Yes, some questions.

1.

Do you think you could have at least signed this? Or presented it in person? Even put your initials on it?

2.

Does passive-aggression come easily to you, or is it a challenge you have so successfully conquered?

3.

Wouldn't it have been easier to just tear the page out of the employee manual that says "after a 90 day probationary period, the minimal salary increase is 2%, and is mandatory for every new employee, whether the Director likes it or not?

4.

Did you know that although a package of gold stars may cost well over a dollar, a hand drawn smiley face is free?

5.

Will it be easier for you to shove those two dimes up your ass, or would you prefer four nickels? Or perhaps a full quarter and you can poop back out 5 cents change?

6.

Am I too sensitive? Am I at least humorous about it?

No day but today.

Happy days! Medications all in sync, got a dollar or two in the bank, going to order my new couch-of-the-month on Wednesday. (background music of the Andy Griffin whistler).

Thought of a good project to do at the Dog Shelter. I had it ready to go on last Saturday, but figured I should wait for "Executive Authorization" before proceeding.

Steve: Hey big-boss-lady, I was thinking about running a PVC pipe under the sidewalk so we could get that power cord and water hose off the sidewalk so we wouldn't have to trip over them like it seems you all have been doing for several years now. I've got all the supplies and tools I need, just thought I should ask for approval.

Big-boss-lady: You think too much. (Cut the whistler)

BBL: How would you do it?

Steve: I saw a video clip where you use a pressure washer and a Shop-Vac.

BBL: Your life must be even more boring than mine. But go ahead, sounds like a good idea. (Much like a dog that bites you, then affectionately licks the wound.)

I carry on, because my medications keep me numb to the heartache. Digging, pressure spraying, Shop-Vacuuming. It sure ain't as easy as they show it on Youtube! But it is coming along. Slowly.

Of course, at this point, I'm drawing a crowd. Rudy comes along to help me. I like Rudy. He is a hard worker with some good ideas and a great caretaker to the dogs (Yes, I have told him that. I felt like someone should). Rudy's Dad happened to stop by, talking with Rudy over some such a thing or another while we continue working.

BBL: (referring to the Dad) So, we finally got someone here that knows what he is doing.

Really.

No, really.

So I shove the pressure washer nozzle up her ass and the Shop-vac hose down her throat, creating the perfect circle of life.

Not really. But in my head...

Steve: (away from the others) Hey, Big-boss-lady, you should become a motivational speaker. I mean "think too much, your life is boring and you don't know what you are doing, Attaboy!"

BBL: I was just being sarcastic.

Steve: I just stated that you should be a motivational speaker. I think I "get" sarcasm.*

She did apologize, twice. And really tried to sound appreciative of the digging. At least it sounded like she was trying REALLY HARD to sound appreciative.

But, hey, were else could I go to work, get paid a whopping $10.00 per hour and get pissed and shit on daily (literally and figuratively)?

Does the post office do background checks?

*I didn't actually think of that little zinger until an hour later and at home. But wouldn't that have been the greatest comeback, ever?

Faux "News" proofreader: Emily Littela

From their website on some bullshit story about the bullshit story of Rep. Grayson (I prefer to think of his name as Dick Grayson, aka one half of the Dynamic Duo {interesting sidenote: most people think Batman was the Top and Robin the Bottom, but no. Bruce Wayne was his bitch})

House Republicans, seeking payback after Democrats succeeded in voting to reprimand South Carolina Rep. Joe Wilson last month for shouting "You Life!" at President Obama during his address to Congress, are planning to introduce a resolution of disapproval for Grayson's remarks.

Now, what's all the fuss was about "You LIFE". Joe Wilson was simply praising Obama in a, um, a funny caveman accent "You, Life. Me like life" That is just a plesant thing to say to someone.

What? What's that? Oh, You LIE. Well that's completely different. Nevermind.

Really Fox? Did you think that maybe Grandpa's Alzheimer's had kicked in and he forgot that whole fiasco from the Repub. side? Well he probably did, but the rest of us didn't. Really?

Bitch.

Oh, my God, I fucking forgot that I had a blog!

Obviously, my Meds are balanced again.

Side effects may include: Blurry vision, headaches, loss of irony.

My Psychopharmacologist and I.

I'm going thru some stuff right now.

I really like my new job at the Animal Shelter. It's hard work, physically exhausting as a matter of fact, but I feel good about myself at the end of the day, and sleep really well. I really enjoy caring for the dogs, the dogs seem to like me too. The cats, meh, they are cats, "like" is not something they do.

You know my work ethic. I go "all in" everyday. After I leave there each day, I literally wring out my socks from sweat, disinfectant and dog piss. And feel like I accomplished something.

And I listen.

On Day One, someone mentioned that it was a pain to keep the ratty-ass CD's playing in the ratty-ass CD players we had. (The dogs are calmed by classical music, the staff not-so-much) Someone pointed out that you can't get in or out of the doors when it rains because the guttering pours rain down on you from varying, inconvenient places. I noticed some of the fencing and gates would not easily open or shut (Kinda important when you are trying to wrangle a wild dog). The door lock on the clinic was temperamental, but if you kept a piece of masking tape on the knob, and pushed and turned (but only turned to the right one quarter of a turn) it would usually open for you. And the makeshift two-by-four hand rails on the steps were a lawsuit waiting to happen, so the Boss had closed off the stairway with caution tape.

Reaction/Response

I took all of the classical music CD's home and copied them onto my I-Pod. I then donated my I-Pod and docking station to the shelter. Music has been playing ever since/It has not been mentioned by the staff or management.

I went to Home Depot and bought several pieces of guttering repair and fixed all the places that needed fixed/It has not been mentioned (Yes, it has rained several times).

Fences fixed, re-adjusted, fixed again, will be an ongoing project forever/Zip.

I called a friend who is a locksmith and we got the knob replaced. For free./No word.

Although the carpentry job on the stairs was way above my skill level, I got tired of seeing the staff come out of the office, head for the stairs, realize that they were still blocked off, mutter "fuck" under their breath and walk back around the long way and so I fixed the handrails. True, they look a bit like Frankensteins monster, but they are solid/The Boss told me it was good to have a "handyman" around. Nothing from the staff.

None of the above tasks are my job. They aren't anybodies job. Therefore, they are every bodies job. I do enjoy doing things like these. I do them in addition to my job.

I am not a delicate flower. If anything, my ego is too strong. I am self-motivating, self-assured and self-cleaning.

But for Goddamn-Fuckity-Fuck! If I don't get a "thank you" soon I'm gonna lose my mind! I already have a full time job that doesn't appreciate me! I don't need another one. And that first job has made me so bitter and angry, if anybody else piles on I will lose the little hope that I still have!

I realize this is all a reaction to the Faggoty-Fucks I work for at the Guesthouse. I hate to admit it, but they have ruined me. I now refuse to go "all in" for another job for five years and get taken for granted every day, just hoping upon hope that someone will see and appreciate.

Confucius say: Doing good job in this place is like pissing yourself in dark blue suit. You get nice warm feeling, but no one notice.

I plan on talking to the Bosses at the animal shelter. Just to tell them what I need. Not my ass kissed. Not a raise. Just some occasional appreciation. And when they do tell me "Thank You" I will tell them "Oh, don't mention it".

Full disclosure: I counted out my Med's last night. I'm out of one of my anti-depressants. Have been for several days. Hmmm. All of the above is all true, with no exaggeration. My feelings about these truths may be a bit skewed. At least I know the medications work!

Health care will cost Americans their liberty.

A letter to the editor from the August 11th Key West Citizen. Yes, the same respected newspaper that stated today that the leading cause of death is Hearth Disease.

We now present a Reenactment. A curmudgeonly fantasia on national themes:

Please silence your cellphones.

"Choose wisely now, for our choices will be scrutinized by not just the entire world: this period in the history of our nation will be lectured upon to our children’s children, and then their grandchildren.

Those nations that have fashioned their own after ours, to lift up their people, to allow the spirit of liberty to flow among them, they are wondering: Will that beacon they’ve followed be quenched? Can no nation allow its people their God-given rights if not America? Must the rights of all people come only from the state?

Our own children will dress their children for school and wonder: Did the country make the right choice then, when faced with financial distress and war: did they take the easy way out?

They set the thought aside, as they always do, and press on to their jobs for the state: but it lingers, was it worth it, these choices?...

Home again, and with the children’s homework they wonder anew why the history book doesn’t tell the same stories as Grandfather did. They allow for a moment their grandfather’s tales were so that they could – but they put it aside once again.

As they tuck their children into bed, they know the dreams will return. The forefathers will whisper those same words again, and again, eyes afire, impressing them to leap from their beds and take it back, take it back! Those words again and again: “Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

They wonder before succumbing to the darkness, was their health care worth all that was given up?

May the spirit guide you in your choice.

David Carter
Key West

Guide you in your choice, indeed, David. Are these letters to the editor the result of Sarah Palin’s speechwriters being out of work? And such. And soforth. For they too, have the God-given right to put food on the table to feed the illegitimate children of their illegitimate children's children.

So, Dave. “This period in the history of our nation will be lectured upon?” OH, absolutely. But I’ll bet the lectures will be about the dangers of unchecked authority, the cowardliness of not pursuing justice for those who have so damaged the respect of political authority. Of a time when rights could be withheld from a segment of the population and not be called discrimination. Of a moment in time that produced more corrupt billionaires willing to steal from those foolish enough to still trust in the fairness of mankind. Of a time when America's leaders did indeed sacrifice liberty for security and achieved neither. Sign me up for that lecture, Dave.

“Will the beacon that other nations have followed be quenched?” Those nations must have cotton-mouth by now, if they are still sucking at the dry teat of the current America. In answer to your mixed metaphor, Dave, yes, that thirst can be darkened.

Are the forefathers visiting you in your sleep again, Dave? With eyes afire? I remember, this one time, after eating spicy food before going to bed, I had a wild dream of a hot-hot three-way with Alexander Hamilton and George Washington. Or maybe it was Hamilton and Barbara Bush. They’ve always looked so much alike. No, now I remember. There were eyes afire. THAT was definitely Babs. Sidebar: Babs won't respect your safeword.

Yes, Dave, invoke the children. The 5 ½ million uninsured children. It is surely they who will suffer most from health care. And our kids will be dressing our grandchildren for school, where they will go to study in their history books? My history education didn't really begin until about the fourth grade. I'd been dressing myself for over a year by then. Will all of our grandchildren be afflicted with Downs syndrome? Limbless? A deathly allergic reaction to buttons? Won't they be happy that they got the good health care?

So, Dave, health care will cost our liberty? Remember forefather Patrick Henry said “Give me liberty OR give me death” not “Give me liberty and a pre-existing condition that will ultimately lead to my death”.

Have you no hearth Dave? Have you no hearth?

''Abraham Lincoln'': Honestly, I felt let down

A theatrical review. By a respected theatrical reviewer.

For reals.

The show? "Abraham Lincoln's Big Gay Dance Party"

The reviewer says: "After seeing ''Abraham Lincoln,'' to quote another President, I cannot tell a lie: For me, it didn't live up to the hype. Maybe it was, in part, due to the kooky misleading title, which led me to believe it would be an outrageous musical romp. In reality, it's a straight play (with campy moments) about a teacher who puts on a school pageant about our 16th president and gets in trouble for including the character of Joshua Speed, a man Lincoln reportedly shared a bed with"

DO YOU GET IT? A "STRAIGHT"-PLAY! ABOUT THE HOT-HOT-MAN-ON-MAN RELATIONSHIP OF LINCOLN AND JOSH SPEED! AND IT'S A MUSICAL! GET IT?

I've got VIP tickets to opening night. I've got foursome with Doris-Kerns Goodwin, Lee Roy Reams, and Sarah Vowel. And if there is a man out there that understands the irony of that combination, please find me.

Cut and Paste Project

Please do this daily. Please don't let the Fuck-tards beat this down.

Highlight, right click and copy:

Please support a Public Option in the upcoming Health Care Bill. We must truly reform the health care system in our country. Without a Public Option, I do not believe this is possible. Please do not pass up this opportunity. Thank you.

Then, clicky-clicky, right click and paste.

All of Florida:

Email Senator Bill Nelson

Email Senator Mel Martinez (You can add a nice Goodbye letter if you so choose)

Key West: Email Representative Ileana Ros-Lehtinen

Bonita Springs: Email Representative Connie Mack

Click here and say "I did it again today"

ACKKKKK, blither, fuckfuck, hatehatehate, sputter, aneurysm!!!!

We the people... promote the General Welfare...

Sorry for Rick Sanchez, the William Shatner wanna-be, delivering the news AT you:



God will forgive you if you yell out "Goddamnit, fuck you" at about 1:27 minutes into the clip. I, however, will not forgive you if you don't.

"The other thing missing in this debate is us, as neighbors". Because nothing treats Traumatic Brain Injury as well as a nice casserole and some pie.

I beg my Good Neighbors to help me follow this story and see exactly how Coburn "helps" this woman. If it does not include video of the good Senator himself wiping the patients soiled ass with a moist towelette, it will not be enough. Hell, even that would not be enough. And Goddamnit, Fuck You.

Short, sweet and potentially genius.

Lower the age requirement for Medicare to 19 years old.

Signed into law by Executive Order, Barack H. Obama

PS: Fuck you Dick Armey.

It's Engrish, Si?

This, from the Housekeeping board at the Guesthouse. Supplies we need to order, for the Cuban Housekeepers to do their job. Hmmm?




Hints:
1. Housekeeping
2. Spanish language
3. I had to look up the correct spelling, too.
4. We are already overstocked on Bacon Bags.

Let the games begin!

A premonition

Re: Townhall meetings.

Date: August 8, 2009

Time: Five minutes from my last job, ten minutes to the next. So, um, bite me for being brief.

As of right now, conservative lemmings have merely interrupted speakers, blocked doorways and Twittered (via a fax to their grandkids. Oh, faxes! How retro!), and made their way into a slow news weeks' headlines. And nothing you can say will convince me that they aren't doing it just 'cause Rush told them to. Rush, who has complimentary samples vacu-tubed directly to him from all major drug manufacturers.

But by the end of the next week, and please don't tell my Krazy-Konservative Aunt, by the end of the week:

Somebody gonna throw a shoe.

And I am a bit disappointed that they have not thought of that yet.

And disappointed that I have.

And you wonder why I broke up with Facebook.

Subj: Check out my photos on Facebook‏

From: Larry Brownie Nettles

Sent: Sun 7/26/09 9:48 AM
To: Keywslt@hotmail.com (keywslt@hotmail.com)

Check out my photos on Facebook

Hi keywslt@hotmail.com,

I set up a Facebook profile where I can post my pictures, videos and events and I want to add you as a friend so you can see it.

Thanks,
Larry Brownie Nettles

I deleted the link so that you would not even be tempted. Sort of like looking at a train wreck. Or exactly like a train wreck. Still, I wonder what those pictures, videos and events might be.

Jesus! Your glutes look great!

From the Faux News Network.com

Pumping Faith: Bodybuilder Turns Church Into Religious-Themed Gym
Sunday, July 26, 2009

BARBERTON, Ohio — A developer has found new life for an old church in northeast Ohio by redesigning it as a workout center.

Developer and bodybuilder Al Horvath converted a Methodist church in Barberton into a training facility he calls Faith Gym.

Horvath kept the church's original 1892 stained-glass windows and added murals depicting such biblical characters as David and Goliath and Samson and Delilah.

He created a Superman theme for the church's sanctuary and replaced the pews with rows of workout equipment. He donated the pews to a Kentucky church gutted by fire.

Horvath bought the building in 2005 after the former Moore Memorial United Methodist Church merged with another Methodist church and moved out.

He says he's targeting people just beginning exercise programs and experienced athletes accustomed to strenuous workouts.

I know, I know, I look at all the wrong information and have a sick mind. He donated the old pews to a BURNED OUT CHURCH in Kentucky for Christ's sake! But all I see is:

Republican News + Repressive Church + Gym + Bodybuilder + Sampson & Superman on the cross (whafuck?) + hot-hot David on Goliath action. Damn, I'll bet the Mens' steam room/sauna at this place has more gay sex than a truck stop on the Florida Georgia border!

(YESSSSSS! Triple word rhyme! Flow-ada, Jora-Ja, Bow-a-dah! Yes, you may borrow that Mr. Sondheim).

"Wide-stance" Republicans in Ohio are out buying new spandex and lining up at their lockers as we speak. FOR THE LORD!!!

Also, I may need to get laid.

I too, could be an expert on the TeeVee!

I was just watching the "Faux News" network, just to get my cardio in for the day, you know. But I don't think they are even trying anymore.

They just did an "exclusive" interview with Michael Seymour of UNI Private Wealth Strategies, Inc. The topics were the Federal Reserve, Ben Bernanke, the head of the reserve and the amount of power he has, and the power he should not have (ie, not any. Bernanke should step down or be fired says Mr. Seymour). Nothing particularly hate filled, except that Bernanke has "had a bulls eye on his back for a while now" turn of phrase, just an "experts" opinion of a public figure. (Hey, wake-up, keep reading! This blog will get interesting in just a minute! Or at least by the next post, I promise. Maybe.)

Here's the thing. Go and Google Michael Seymour and/or Uni Private Wealth Strategies, Inc. Go ahead. I'll wait. Hmm, hmm. Tra la la. Corn? When did I have corn? OH, back so soon? I thought you would be longer. But no, nothing on the Inter-tubes about this dude, or his, ahem, "company".

I just feel that you must have, at minimum, 'five' Google results to your name and company to be allowed to offer your "professional" opinion on the TV box. This guy isn't even on face-book! (I know, pot calling kettle...) But "Faux" still gives him a platform from which to spout the "opinion" that they want to hear!

For fucks sake, even the little known Ecuadorian Under-Secretary General Haywood Jablomi has better search returns than this dude. Let's hear his opinion.

(And Yes, I turn on "Faux" news just to look for the stupid baseless shit that they "report". But they are making it so fucking easy!)

Along party lines.

Boring, but important.

The Matthew Sheppard Act defines a hate crime as "violence where the perpetrator has selected the victim because of the person's actual or perceived race, color, religion, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity or disability.

Today, July 21, 2009, the Matthew Sheppard Act passed the US Senate with a 62 to 38 vote.

Of the 59 Democratic Senators, 57 of them voted "Yes". Two did not vote. Robert Byrd of West Virginia did not participate in the vote. Apparently he is mostly dead. Ted Kennedy did not attend todays' vote, although he is the official sponsor of the bill. He must be pretty bad off today. I hope it is just a really severe hangover. Thank you for getting this thing started tho, Uncle Teddy.

The only Independent, Sanders voted with the Democrats. And will still drink alone tonight.

Of the 40 Republican Senators: 28 voted "NO". They then quickly cried Voter irregularities, since the Democratic total did not indicate the 5/8th vote of Senator Roland Burris. What? I'm being told that African-American votes count as a full person now. When did THAT happen? Senator Byrd was present for THAT vote.

Seven Republicans did not vote. Including Florida's own Mel Martinez, a renowned homophobe. I pray he was stuck in "Argentina" (and by Argentina I mean a vagina) Also not voting, South Carolina's own 'lil pixie Sen. Lindsay Graham. Although he did have time to speak out today supporting a bill that would allow anyone that had the legal right to carry a concealed weapon, in, say, South Carolina, would have the right to carry that firearm in any other state of the union, regardless of the other states higher (ahem, smarter) requirements might be. It is far too easy for me to then picture "Lindsay" then committing a hate crime upon his own nether-regions.
(Update: That dumb-ass piece of legislation was defeated on Wednesday. Thank you great sky Wizard)

Five (dare I say brave?) Republicans voted against the Republican bloc and supported the Hate Crimes bill. Murkowski of Alaska, Lugar of Indiana, both Collins and Snowe of Maine, and Voinovich of Ohio. Three of those Senators? Women.

There are a total of four female Republican Senators.

(Plus Joe Lieberman for five, when he cross-dresses as Elizabeth Dole on Tuesdays and Thursdays, of course. Wednesdays, Fridays and each leap year he does one hell of a Hillary, if perhaps a touch too feminine, though). Thank you Ladies.

Just saying. I think it is pretty cool that some Republicans can vote with their hearts and do what they think is best for their constituents and the country as a whole. Not what is best for their party. Their integrity should be celebrated. But if ONE Fucking Democrat does that and votes against health care, I will personally kick him or her in the vagina.

I've been Syndicated!!!

This right here marks the 100th blog posting at A Barely Gay Boy!! If I can get this thing into reruns, I'll be set financially, forever! And viewership is multiplying rapidly. I've got 3 times the number of readers than I had on the first blog! I figure in another year, or so, there will be ten of you's. Can I get a Woo-hoo?

Another lead...

A better picture of "the blouse". Yes, it is even uglier from the front!

To the Mall!!!

This is SO Fucked Up!

A: Walter Cronkite dead.
B: CBS is currently airing a repeat of something called "The Ghost Whisperer".
C: CBS.com's mainpage is promoting "Big Brother".
D: CBSNEWS.com leads with Tiger Woods "not making the cut".

But yet Michael Goddamn boyfucker Jackson pre-empted every-fucking-thing.

Fuck you CBS, just Fuck you!

But mostly, Walter Cronkite is dead. And that should not be the way it is.

You don't know heartache.

The pain in a mother's voice when she first must deny her own son. When a parent must say to the child "enough is enough, no more. I've done too much for you. This, you must do on your own" Tough love is just always so God-damn tough. You can nearly hear the tears fall from the mother's eyes when she must say to her only begotten boy "No, son, I can no longer help you search for this blouse"

A mothers love cuts the deepest.

You axed for it...

THE Michael Jackson/Sarah Palin Post (the very limited edition).

Thursday, June 25, 2009. MJ Dead. Such a fateful tragedy to humanity. Alas, to all musical mankind. Yeah, whatever.

Friday. June 26, 2009. In the Sarah Palin Camp (and by "camp" I mean, "Jesus Goddamn Christ, what, was I, Hilter? In my previous fucking life?") "Hey, we'll get in trouble if we don't get the Sarahtron in the News today"!

Saturday, June 27, 2009. The "Camp" (and by "camp" I mean, "Theres lotso truth in the old tes'ament") "Hey, the yellow-haired "chickeee-do", and by that I "do" not mean "chickee-don't", tee he he), from that Charlies Angels program don gon an died yesterday, too. We gotta find sumpthin to get Sa- Rah in the news today.

Sunday, June 28, 2009, THROUGH July 6, 2009, (and by Through, I mean walltowallmotherfuckingcoverageoneverynewschannelandIincludetheGoddamnFinanccialNewsNetwork24fucking7andIbelieveeventeheShoppingNetwork) The Camp: "Um, could we get a word in here? Hello? A word? Look at the monkey! Oh, HE had a monkey too.? Shit." Michael Jackson. Um, Huh. Whatever.

Thursday, July, 3, 2009. The "Camp" (and by "camp" you fucking know what I mean. THEY ARE AT CAMP!) "Hey, Yall, We ain't been in the newses's for a week. WeF. (That is Alaskan for WTF) It would be un-Amurican to announce this on Gods most-favorite holiday, so, lets wait 'till the network news cycle starts up agin on Monday.

Friday, July 4, 2009. "♫And the rockets red sky, and a big monkey pie...♫"

Saturday, July 5, 2009: "Todd!!! Get in here and give me another fuckin Darvocet! I need it now!! Get in here and "do" me Todd (Editorial note: Yes, Todd is kinda hot) Then you can go and finish your Iditarod! Shut the fuck up Todd, I am not fuckin' Shrill!!! I. AM. NOT. FUCKING. SHRILL"

Sunday, July 6, 2009:It must be Sunday...? ♫Jesus loves me, this I know, 'cause the bible tells me to repress homosexuals and married but really closeted homosexuals, and open minded hetrosexuals. Um, So♫

Monday, July 7, 2009. From The Camp, with S'Mores: "MMMM, leftover Apple Pie and a Family Guy Marathon. Happy. ;send tweet'. MMM, tweet. tweet. tweet. Note to self: Open Twitter account tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 8, 2009: The Camp (and by camp... I...Mean...a...a...slumber party that slept too late and missed the latest Josey and the Pussycats segment from under their blanket-fort)"Hmmm? Pie? Aunt Clara? Stroganoff and Chicken Pot, Chicken Pot, Chicken Pot Pie. What, was I sleeping? What day is it? Tuesday? OH FUCKKKKKKKKK! It's been over a week! NO Sarahnews! WEF!!!!! What'll We do? Pull out the big guns! What is the worst thing we got?
NO.
Not that one. NO, I said no".
What is the second worst?
Resign? What. That's it? The End of the Line? Well, I guess that it has been a good run, gang. But that is the end of the Palinoscopy. Group Hug! Well then, I guess that's the end. That is Goodbye,"





OR IS IT?





it ain't

Adjusting the Joke

Re: European Tourist at DOG beach. HE: "Keep your big black 'Duog' away from me".
ME: "Well, Frenchie, I don't go to Speedo beach and complain that the bulge of your cock is inappropria... Well, no, I guess that that's not a good analogy in your case"

Help a poor drag queen in need.

Keep an eye out for this blouse. Don't ask questions. It is just important. That is all.

Yo' hear this up H-8ers

How dare you, I say how dare you? To suggest that I lower the standards of this fine blog to cover the tawdry likes of that media-whore from our northern-most-state-like-area-too-baren-to-qualify-as-a-Canadian-province.

This blog is about content! Not quantity! I refuse to follow the main-stream media, or the right-crazy-as-a-shit-fight-in-a-monkey-cage-conservative-fake-"news" networks and give every half a minute updates on the still-dead-pedophile-plastic-surgery-addicted-but-hey-he-could-dance-good-when-strung-out-on-every-prescription-medication-available freak.

I am trying to raise the level of discourse. Dignity is crucial.

Now back to Type "OH" Dongs (I have no doubt there is gonna be a new "toy" on the adult market any day now) and Buttfor Beaufodors. It's as hot as Satans Taint outside.

The above is exactly 150 words. Suck on that Twitter!

But they were just tiny little missiles, hardly worth noticing.

North Korea fired seven ballistic missiles on Saturday, further heightening regional tensions [AFP]

So, the missles came out of those 7 little tubes shown above? Or has Al Jazeera gone the way of Faux news with their misleading captioning? Oh, Al. Why would the Arab world side with a country that has a bat-shit crazy leader, and turn against a country that just got rid of a bat-shit crazy leader that completely destroyed most of the civilized parts of Afghanastan and Iraq? What did we ever do to you? Oh, right. Sorry, our bad.

Update: North Korea has been on the leading edge of missle technology. Their Tae'podong series has been streamlined to carry the largest payload in the smallest missle. Although occasionally prone to early firing. That entire region, and really most of the Asian world is known for their dimunitive dongs.

(Rittle bit Lacist of me? Rittle bit)

I've gone on this media tour because I just want to be left alone!

KEYSER, W.Va. — More than two years since leaving her prison cell, the woman who became the grinning face of the Abu Ghraib prisoner abuse scandal spends most of her days confined to the four walls of her home.

Former Army reservist Lynndie England hasn't landed a job in numerous tries: When one restaurant manager considered hiring her, other employees threatened to quit.

She doesn't like to travel: Strangers point and whisper, "That's her!"

In fact, she doesn't leave the house much at all, limiting her outings mostly to grocery runs.

"I don't have a social life," she says. " ... I sit at home all day."

She's tried dyeing her dark brown hair, wearing sunglasses and ball caps. She even thought about changing her name. But "it's my face that's always recognized," she says, "and I can't really change that."

England hopes a biography released this month and a book tour starting in July will help rehabilitate an image indelibly associated with the plight of the mistreated prisoners.

It's difficult to forget the pictures that shocked millions in 2004: In one, she holds a restraint around a man's neck; in another, she's giving a thumbs-up and pointing at the genitals of naked, hooded men, a cigarette dangling from her mouth.

"They think that I was like this evil torturer. ... I wasn't," she says. "People don't realize I was just in a photo for a split second in time."

In an interview with The Associated Press to promote her biography, "Tortured: Lynndie England, Abu Ghraib and the Photographs that Shocked the World," the 26-year-old England said she's paid her dues and repeatedly apologized.

While admitting she made some bad decisions, England says it wasn't her place to question the "softening-up" treatments sanctioned long before she arrived.

"We were just pawns," said England, who's appealing her conviction and has her next hearing in July. "People were just playing us."

A jury of five Army officers, however, rejected England's claims that she was only following orders and trying to please the father of her child, former Cpl. Charles Graner Jr., who's currently imprisoned for his role.

Christopher Graveline, the lead prosecutor at her trial and now an assistant federal prosecutor in Michigan, said England and the other defendants are free to present their side to the media.

"But they presented the same facts to the jury, and the jury rejected them," he said.

England was convicted of conspiracy, mistreating detainees and committing an indecent act, one of 11 soldiers found guilty of wrongdoing at Abu Ghraib.

Since April, when newly released memos revealed the Bush administration had sanctioned certain so-called "enhanced interrogation" tactics, some have called for pardons of soldiers like England — or at least acknowledgment that they were scapegoats for higher-ups.

Graveline rejects such calls. He and investigator Michael Clemens have their own book coming out in January, "The Secrets of Abu Ghraib Revealed: American Soldiers on Trial," which they say aims to correct misunderstanding and misinformation.

The detainees in the photos involving England, for example, were not suspected terrorists, Graveline says, but some of the thousands of "Iraqi-on-Iraqi criminals" at the massive prison. None of the men in the England photos was ever interrogated.

"The idea that she and her colleagues were working somehow for military intelligence is not supported by fact," he says.

After serving half of a three-year sentence, England returned to the cocoon of a few friends and family in Fort Ashby, a quiet town of about 1,300 in West Virginia's Eastern Panhandle, 150 miles west of Washington, D.C.

Biographer Gary Winkler, a local author who spent countless hours with England and her family, says England's family has closed ranks, hoping to protect her — and themselves. He said he has mixed feelings about her.

"Some days I liked her. Some days I hated her," he says. "Some days I thought she should be in prison still, and some days I felt sorry for her."

England, who's put on a little weight and let her hair grow since mugging for the camera, says she struggles with depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and anxiety. Antidepressants help, and she has learned to deal with personal insults much as she dealt with the horrors of war: She just got used to it.

England says the most painful jab came in a note from a stranger who suggested her mother "shoot herself for raising somebody like me, and that I should kill my baby and kill myself, or give up my child for adoption, because the way I was raised they didn't want him to turn into some evil monster, too.

"... and then at the end of it they were like, 'Oh, God bless you,"' she adds with a wry laugh.

As a teenager, England hunted squirrels and fantasized about becoming a storm chaser. As a woman, she has more worries than dreams.

She worries about whether she's a good mother to her 4-year-old son Carter.

"Normal moms have jobs. They get up, they take their kids to school, they go to work, they come home, they cook, they clean, they do all that," she says. "I'm home all day."

She says she submitted hundreds of resumes for all kinds of jobs, but no one would give her a chance. She stopped trying months ago and depends on welfare and her parents to get by.

She also fears for her life, though she's 4,000 miles from Iraq: "I'm paranoid about that one guy who still hates me."

Even if she could go back and change something, England says she wouldn't. If she hadn't met Graner, she says, she wouldn't have her son, the one bright spot from an otherwise dark time.

"I couldn't have Carter exactly as he is without anybody else except Graner," she says, "so to me that's the whole reason for me meeting him."

What she wants most now is what most mothers want, to give her child a good life.

And as for herself? "I don't think beyond day to day."

Hey! YA'll! Take I-60 out of Framersville to Junction 13, go on out past the old Murphys place and hang a leftie (I love to say hang a leftie!) on Route 7. I'm right next to the third silo on the right. Call first, I'll make a pie! But leave me alone! Bring your guns, we'll have a bug-shooting contest with the kids! XOXOXO

Ahmaninejad V. Twitter

In the name of Jesus

NSFtW (not safe for this world)Far more disturbing than pink fluffy naked suits.

Watch the following at home, in private, with Kleenex, a bible (but only the good parts) and fast forwarding is definitely recommended.

And thank you Mom for giving me support, respect and acceptance some 25 years ago. I love you.

I don't care who you'ar, that right there is funny:

On the newly legal Iowa Gay Marriage: (and really, Iowa? Really?)

Read the article first, just to get your own take, then come back to the following.

From CNN "Same-sex weddings, heartland style"

The quote is CNN's, the parenthesis's mine:

Many activists who followed the Iowa case, Varnum v. Brien, to the state's Supreme Court were anticipating the April 3 announcement.

But for Beau Fodor, (Buttfor Bofodor? What's a Buttfor? Answers may vary.) news of the decision on television that morning -- "between 'Martha Stewart' and 'The View,' " (but after Christopher Lowell and before American Gladiators, with picture-in-picturing mens gymnastics and Tivo-ing his "stories" ) he said -- came as a complete shock.

"How did this happen?" the Des Moines designer and event planner remembers thinking before turning the station to compare newscasts. "Are you kidding me, universe?" (Stop it, you silly universe, stop teasing me)

And then, while resisting (unsuccessfully) the urge to pinch himself, the revelation: "Oh my god. (OMG!!!!) I could be a gay wedding planner." (Umm, I'm pretty sure you already are, Nancy-Beau. I'm sure you already are)

Oh, we'll move on alright!

Now a quiz:

Why will we all be using Orbitz for all of our future travel needs? Bridget you will get 1 penalty point if you forward to your mother as a phone-a-friend.



Baby steps, Obama. Baby steps.

The queerest fucking thing I have ever seen.

No fair fast forwarding.

So insensitive, I just had to post it.

Steve Turner's Come and Gone

Good God, Mr. Obama must be so very good. So much better even than the Messiah that "Gods Own Party" claimed he would be. For this to be the whimpering screed coming out of (I have a name now) Gail Gitcho RNC spokesperson:

"If President Obama wants to go to the theater, isn't the presidential box at the Kennedy Center good enough?"

Belasco Theatre-New York City = "Joe Turner’s Come and Gone"
Joe Turner’s Come and Gone chronicles the lives of newly freed African-American slaves. The play deals with issues of race, and the racial tension between the freed slaves and the white working class looking for the same jobs.

Kennedy Center-DC = "Shear Madness"
Engages the audience to help solve the scissor-stabbing murder of a famed concert pianist who lives above the unisex hairstyling salon.

Now, which is better suited to a President? And what would have been said if he did, you know, ride his bicycle down the street to the nearer theatre and saw that Madcap and Zany Who-dun-it? You know, just to save a couple thousand dollars.

Although I do take offense at some on the left comparing the Obamas choice to that of Condolezza Rices' choice of The Lion King back in August of 2005. The Lion King was not about African-Americans. It was about African-Animals! Well, Africans with animal puppets on their heads.

(Wow, I made a post that combines Theatre and politics, is vaguely racist and get to call someone a cunt!)

Did I miss that? "Hey, Gitcho, you are a capital K cunt and shut the fuck up until you have something to say, or longer"

OK, I know this is only bothering me...

And not terribly interesting to anyone that isn't a cable news network Junior Associate Producer, but:

Why did all these "off set" interviews get stuck with the worst backdrops? Mostly fake bookcases. But really, just photos of fake bookcases. Although at least one has a real fake bookcase that the "books" are about 3 inches deep from the spine to the edge. Like our former administration removed all of the "science" from each text. Watch for John Bohner (tee hee), he seems to carry that fake bookcase around with him everywhere.

And now it can bother you too. You are welcome.

Family. It's all you really have.

It's smart to be safe.

Patient Zero

I swear to the great sky wizard that if I get swine flu, I will hunt lil' Larry down and strangle his ass! Traveling from Mexico? Likely to lay down with pigs? "Hey, can I use your phone and hack up some lung butter on it?

(Again, this post more of a "Tweet". Ah, shit, now I've got bird flu!)

Take three asprin before reading this:

From the Faux News Network. This is their transcript of Liz Triota explaing how the torture investigation hurts Americur: (I have edited the computer generated transcript for clarity. Really, do try to read this word for word)

Anchor says: The release of the Bush era memos that authorized harsh interrogation tactics for terror suspects has set up a media frenzy. The Obama administration is reluctant to call that tactic torture. But some mainstream media seem eager to use that word. Torture. Could the media obsession with this story be dangerous? Joining us now journalist, author and Fox News contributor, Liz Triotta It's good to see you this morning. Good morning. A lot of information is being obtained about these memos some we know, so we don't, but what that what we know what is being talked about in the media, is it too much? Is it dangerous to national security?

Triota: " And the first point I would make is to answer your question is that the race to grab the high ground among liberal journalists makes your mind just spin, meaning you have people like David Brooks and people act right and the New York Times and Roger Kohn of the Washington Post. Writing about how horrible all this torture is and using the word torture. But that we didn't he -- investigation that would lead to the prosecution of the prosecutors would only be a look back at the Bush Administration. And we havent got time for that. I's unclear what Obama's gonna do but I would venture to guess that the lefties and -- but also being analyzed that the lefties in the and the congress are going to push him to take some action because they're still fighting George Bush in this. Nothing better than they would like than Cheney and Bush in jail. So I think that's very much you have moveon.org. And you have all the rest of the left wing forces involved in this. And they're talking to the media. And don't forget, the ACLU brought this all to a head under Freedom of Information. And it's what you head that is if you want for example if you want to get a transcript of this you have to go to the ACLU web site. So that. But we give a lot of posturing on this and a lot of people who were using the word torture. And then you have the very careful New York Times at this point after agitating for some action on this. Calling them interrogations. And not torture."

Anchor: Let me just mention senator Rasmussen poll 58% of Americans that were polled believe that the release -- the information. Endangers the national security. Of the United States just to present both sides of the story I'm not sure that's getting out in every media organization. -- always good to see you thanks so much thank you."

Head hurt yet? I have no idea what she said. Sort of a cross between Sarah Palin and that teenage pageant queen. And so forth. But perhaps it would help to watch the actual footage.

"I believe we have a clip"

Who in the hell told her to wear the suit from the movie Tron? I really feel like I could slip into a seizure at any minute! Do you think that could have been deliberate distraction? "I have nothing to say, so take this time to watch my jacket"

And in case we forgot that we already knew she is a cunt:

It is Wednesday, at 10:41 PM

With all the shit that has hit the fan TODAY, over torture, wire taps, congressional misbehavior, wrongfully prosecuted military turncoats, and more bailing out the bail outs, Greta Van Fuckertin had (all caps intentional) AN INTERVIEW OF former first lady BAR-BAR the BUSH REGARDING THE G.H.W BUSH (Sr.) PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY! You know the one that has "raised 1.8 Million dollars". "I'm sorry" says Gretchel Von Rhinoplasty/sans/Jaw realignmensturn, "was that 1 point 8 Million Dollars"? "No" says the beautiful minded Babs, "One Million, Eight Hundred Thousand dollars and a little more". That is the Faux news of the day, Re-Grettable van Cesspot? Seven minutes on the Reading Is Fundamental (RIF) program?

Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you. OH, oh, oh, my sweet good little Lordy-lordy, Fuck YOU.

(I believe the above qualifies as only a Tweet, and not an actual post) And Fuck you.

Whatever else, watch that first link

For Christsakes! It is paper on a stick! And spelling.

I like pictures that tell stories.

I like it when a photo guides you through the beginning planning stages, the middle execution and decision making stages, and the end results when Mom comes home from the Photo Hut.



I also like photos that don't tell you jack shit, but let you make up your own story entirely.

I'm a grown man, fer christsakes!

There comes a time in our adult lives, that we come to accept who we have become. Give away some of our hopes and dreams, and realize that "this is it, huh?" has an affirmative answer. We forgive past grievances and ask forgiveness for our own mistakes. We realize that our parents did the best job they could do, and that we wouldn't likely do any better. And that's OK. They did pretty good. No visible scars, good enough values and a good mental health base. Childhood is full of memories. At a certain age you need to let go of the bad ones and focus on all of the good. I thank God for the Mom & Dad I got, and wouldn't trade them for anything.



But seriously, Mom, what the fuck was up with all the owls?

Fun with Lutherens!

"The internet is an invention of the Devil, Davey"

"Well, Goliath, I'll just have to ask Pastor Miller what Officer Dan is doing out of his uniform on, um, w w w period hot cop porn period com, I'll bet he knows.

Vintage B&W Photography

I've really been getting interested in Vernacular Photography. The old black and white really hold a certain gritty-ness and rough hewn quality.








This, and the masculinity of a bowling alley really displays a sense of swagger and virilty.












W-Wh-What?????










Well, spare me Mary!
These pictures give me joy.

Operation Enduring Adorability

This is why there should not be gays serving openly in the military. I said Openly.

You wanna piece of me?

Really? My generation was bad ass. I grew up in a rough neighborhood. Every kid for himself. We would fuck you up and not bat an eye.



Never fuck with someone who is a Master at Jarts!

Remarkably free of Jesus content:

This rocks ass! Thanks Bridget!

It's good to have friends

Guess who's going to hell today?

Excuse me, waitress. I ordered the extra snark on the side.

Okay, that whole "Earth Hour" thing was pretty queer. Last Saturday between 8:30 and 9:30 everyone was supposed to turn off all electricity for the hour, in some kinda "Hey planet Earth, we're thinkin' 'bout you" gesture to the environment. Whatever. Had I known about it on Saturday, I might have turned off a light or two. But I wouldn't be joining in singing Kum-bah-yah with any earth huggers.

And then I see this. Apparently, Ann Coutlers in-house Clit Cleaner (Hi Mom, thanks for reading) has purchased a seat on the Oregon State legislature. Matt Wingard, bag-o-smug-fuck. The ultimate republican neo-con not only won't get on the bus that we should acknowledge climate change, he takes up legislative time to mock "Earth Hour". While, across the globe, some people are taking the tiniest part to help, he suggests we celebrate every electrical invention ever created. "Turn on your lights, the TV, go to a movie or a play" Hell, why not burn that pile of old tires and show the kids how to make their own chloro-flourocarbons? Oh, what jolly fun! Did you know that you can charge an electric car from the kinetic energy created by the spinning dials on Matts electric meter?

Of course, he didn't come up with this idea himself. Or probably any other. It started from the conservative "think tank" (ie: anyone caught thinking will be drowned in the tank out back) the Competitive Enterprise Institute. The created it in reaction to Earth Hour and titled their celebration the Human Achievement Hour. Or HAH. What an acrimonious acronym. (Ba-da-boom! Triple word score!) Why are the Conservatives so opposed to conserving?

Demanding it!

View all Key West events at Eventful

Hey, Karma, are you there? It's me, Margaret

Take the high road.
Do good things, and good things will happen.
Don't anger the gods.
WWJD?
The meek shall inherit...
Um, chocolate factory now, please.
Luck be a lady tonight.

Well you know what? As of today,
Saturday, March 14, 2009, 3:00 PM EST:



Karma can suck my cock!

Gee, I can't wait to see how I do in the Lotto tonight.

People are shitty...

Sorry, rough day. And chock full o' examples of inconsiderate people, supposed "adults" who have lost all sense of kindness and manners. They have been petty, rude, and unaware or unconcerned with others. And the news has stopped surprising me with how rotten the human race really is. I usually am shocked when I hear about someone with the chutzpah to steal B-B-B-Billions of dollars. Stymied by hypocrisy of politicians. Stunned when I hear of some dude dragging his pot bellied pig, on its back, through the gutters of Duval street, because the pig didn't help him get any pussy that night. No, really.

Shocking? Nope, not today. All par for the coarse. [sic] Sick. When I purposefully go off on a google quest for "make me happy" you know it has been a bad day.



Fuckers.

If I won the lotto...

You know what I'd like to do, if I found I had that extra money left over at the end of the month? Not all the time, mind you. Just one of those rare times when I feel like I deserve to treat myself to something a little special. Every year or so.

I'd throw out my entire sock drawer and buy an entire new Set O' Socks. Think, never having not to hunt for a pair that "kinda" matched in newness. For two that were stretched out equally. Both near the same tone of gray-ish white. The last two singles that just don't belong with any others. Yes, that'd be luxury to me.

You know what else I would do? I'd go to Home Depot and buy me one of those super deluxe, 2000 piece tool kits. With all those bits and tips. I would use it once, and then pitch the whole thing and go get another one. 'Cause you know the only bit you need for the second job is already lost!

And "NO" donating said items to the Salvation Army is not a good idea! That ruins the specialness of it for me. I do enough for others!

Dearest Uncle Ralph:

Thank you so much for the bequeathment check from Grandmother Turner. I do so truly appreciate it. I plan on spending the money on christal methanphetamines and homosexual pornography (the really weird stuff). If I find I have anything left over, I might consider an endowment to legalizing marijuana or to the NAACP. I just can't decide. Any suggestions?

Well, that was my original response. Then I got to thinking.

You know, if Bill Turner was in charge of executing a will (and not just the Execution of our hopes and dreams) and his mother wanted $500.00 to go to the "kids", even if she didn't have it/never had it, he would have found a way to grant that empty request. Regardless of any hardship it would cause him or his family. He kindof passed that on to me too. Could his own annoying brother be that much different? Am I actually feeling sentimental towards that side of the family? I don't like this feeling.

Don't get me wrong. I have no hesitation cashing the check. I just feel like I should spend the money on something Dad would have approved of. Bus fare perhaps?

Regardless, the check goes in the bank tomorrow. Just who should I call to spend it? A drug dealer or the Department of Transportation?

Sometimes blogging hurts.

Even powerful without audio.

A LETTER TO OUR PRESIDENT
By Harvey Fierstein

To be read at the DEFYING INEQUALITY benefit on Monday, February 23, 2009.

Dear President Obama.

While fighting for the abolition of slavery, one politician qualified his stance, “I have never been in favor of making voters or jurors of Negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people.”

That politician was Abraham Lincoln. Obviously time and experience brought Mr Lincoln to what would have been called the extremist view; that freedom cannot be compromised just to appease the majority.
And so he made a grander gesture reminding us of “…a new nation conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal”. Passing a law would change the course of slavery, but those words changed the course of the history.

Mr Obama, I have heard you speak eloquently in favor of inclusion for gays and lesbians. But then you sternly state your opposition to marriage rights. It leaves me wondering if you are straining to be politic or, if like Lincoln, your views still need maturing.

Days after your historic election an aide of yours told me that you plan to do away with the military’s DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL. I applaud the gesture. But don’t kid yourself. Redefining that policy will do little to end discrimination against us.
With or without the Pentagon’s permission gays and lesbians have been serving in the military since the birth of this nation.
We may have served in silence.
We may have fought in secret.
But a complete ban of gays did not stop us from fighting and dying for our country.
Abolishing DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL won’t bring us into the military or end discrimination against us.
Legalizing gay adoption won’t end discrimination against our children in the playground.
Even legalizing gay marriage won’t bring about the whole cloth change our nation needs.
When you, leader of the free world, accept, tolerate and even invite bigots into your fold changing a policy is not enough.

In any case, we don’t need you to fight our small battles for us.
We will eventually win these on our own. Property matters, adoption rights, and even gay marriage will be won in courts of law as they are now being won in courts of public opinion.
Given time, our constitution, and the American values of fair play and justice, will prevail. We will win equal rights.

But what only you can give us is the grand gesture.
Mr President, we need you to be more than another reasonable voice.
We need you to raise yourself up out of the mire of majority opinion.
We need you to rise above the daily politics of compromise.
We need you to mount that bully pulpit our blood, sweat and tears have erected, and speak to the greater ideal.
America needs to hear you say, “We will no longer tolerate the oppression of our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, aunts and uncles. They are our family. They are we and we are they.”

The nation needs to hear you say, “We must prove ourselves worthy of the title Americans; protectors of the weak, standard bearers of freedom, and guarantors of equal rights for all.”

Mr President, history will record the day you say, “From this day forward no amendment, statute or law that seeks to deny full rights of citizenship on the basis of sexual preference will be tolerated. Hatred and bigotry are here forth banished to the dark recesses of small minds.
Let the Pledge of Allegiance light our way to tomorrow as “…one nation, indivisible, with freedom and justice for all.’”

That, dear son of Lincoln, is the grand gesture we need from you.
We need a hero, and you have been elected.

Sincerely,

Harvey Fierstein

I had no shoes and complained, until I met a man who had no feet. Then I just laughed at the funny looking man with no feet!

A Secret Service agent maintains a checkpoint into the neighborhood of former president George W. Bush's new residence in Dallas Friday.

Benjamin Franklin told me at a three day orgy one time:

"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety"

Wouldn't it be great if that was actually a law? Imagine, if you will, Bush and Cheney without Secret Service security. Now, I'm not advocating violence (necessarily). I'm just thinking about all the shoes that could be collected for charity. One at a time.

Oh, Buttars. You're getting yourself deep in a hole all over again!

"Threat to going down" "Everybody goes nuts" and "Buggers" Just what exactly is the sub-text here? Senator, just who are you trying to finger here? Your statements certainly are hard to swallow. Now, I hate to go off half-cocked on this, but this slip of the tounge really chafes my ass. My firm, high and hairy man-ass. Um, weiner.

"She's gonna get her ass whipped"

You can not imagine the joy this causes me. You just can't imagine...


Singer disses Obama, Beyonce
Posted: 06:27 PM ET

Beyonce and James together at the Cadillac Records premiere.
(CNN) — The entertainment world may be in a swoon over Barack Obama, but one legendary soul singer is fuming at the new president and the pop star who serenaded the first couple on inauguration night.

Etta James, famous for her rendition of the song “At Last,” is apparently miffed that pop star Beyonce was tapped to perform the ballad as the president and first lady slow-danced during the Neighborhood Inaugural Ball on January 20.

“You guys know your president, right?” the singer asked an audience in Canada last week, according to audio posted on TMZ.com. “You know the one with big ears? Yeah, wait a minute. He ain’t my president.”

She then went after Beyonce: “That woman singing for him, singing my song? She’s gonna get her ass whipped.”


James added that she “can’t stand Beyonce” and that the starlet “has no business up there singing, singing up there on a big old President day, singing my song that I been singing forever.”

But is James flip-flopping on Beyonce? She did not raise an objection when the singer portrayed her in the film “Cadillac Records” — and just recently, James’s son told a New York paper that his mother was moved by the inauguration night performance.

Filed under: Beyonce • Etta James • President Obama

"It was like having a tooth pulled"

From CNN.com

Surgeons remove healthy kidney through donor's vagina

CNN) -- In what is being heralded as a "first-ever procedure," surgeons removed a healthy kidney through a donor's vagina, the Johns Hopkins Medical Center has announced.

Jennifer Gilbert, center, received a kidney from Kimberly Johnson, at right in green.

Although the procedure has been previously done to extract cancerous and nonfunctioning kidneys that threatened a patient's health, the January 29 surgery was the first time it was done for donation purposes, the center said in a news release issued Monday.

"The kidney was successfully removed and transplanted into the donor's niece, and both patients are doing fine," Dr. Robert Montgomery, chief of transplant surgery at Johns Hopkins, said in the release.

The surgery is considered less invasive and could pave the way for an increase in organ donations, it added.

"Removing the kidney through a natural opening should hasten the patient's recovery and provide a better cosmetic result," Montgomery said.

He told CNN on Tuesday, "We want to make it easier for people to donate, to have less impact on their lives, [be] in hospital a shorter amount of time and get back to their lives quicker."


The woman was chosen to be the first donor to undergo the procedure because a previous hysterectomy enabled doctors to operate without a uterus obstructing their efforts, he added.

The three-hour procedure typically allows the donor to return home within 24 hours.

The more traditional surgery requires a 5- to 6-inch incision through the abdominal wall and generally is followed by two or three days of hospitalization.

"If you asked our patient, she said it was like getting a tooth removed. She was walking that night and left the next day," Montgomery said.

The procedure is done by inserting "wand-like cameras and tools" through small incisions in the abdomen and navel.

Doctors then insert a hollow tube through the vagina with a bag at the end.

Once the kidney is cut loose, surgeons use video from the cameras to guide them as they maneuver the bag around the organ, place it in the tube and pull it out through the vaginal opening, Montgomery said.

A kidney weighs approximately one pound and is roughly the size of a clenched hand.

In an effort to ensure a more sterile procedure, the vagina is treated with Betadine, a sterilizing solvent commonly applied during surgery.

But some physicians wonder how clean the procedure can actually be.

"It's good to take such [sterilization] measures," said Dr. Jihad Kaouk, director of laparoscopic and robotic surgery at the Cleveland Clinic. "But the tube touched the vagina. And the bag touched the tube. And the bag touched the kidney"

He added, "delivering a kidney from the vagina, which is not sterile -- is it a potential risk or a real risk? We'll find out now."

Kaouk also expressed concern over the quality of the kidney once it has been squeezed into a tube.

"The concept of minimizing incisions and decreasing pain after surgery is always a good idea, but we should always check at what price," he said

It might be like having a tooth pulled. THROUGH YOUR VAGINA!!!!!

I promise, I will never ask any of you to do this for me. And I don't think I would want it if you did. And I promise, with God as my witness, you will never get anything from my vagina!

Now what do I have to look forward to?

What I now hope for:

The day a straight, white, christian male is elected to high office because, and only because, he has the best qualifications.

I hope I live to see that day.

All I can think about is the static electricity...