Squether-ing

It's a new thing I'm trying on for size. Taking words and squashing them together = Squethering

Crazy + Amazing = Cramazing
Dog + Beach = Deach
Speed + Limit = Splimet
Holy + Fucking + God = Hofod
Fucking + Bitch = Fitch
Street + Light = Stight
Phone + Call = Phall
Republican + National + Convention = Repultion
Hurricane + Force + Winds = Breezy

I think it is going to turn out to be a real tisaver. It may take a while to geusto, but you'll cachon itim.

Literary (special) characters

I've been thinking about some of my favorite characters from books and movies. It started as just a thought about who seemed memorable, but quickly developed a theme.

Forest Gump (Forest Gump), Raymond (Rainman), Ignatius T Reilly (Confederacy of Dunces), Rudolph Peterman (Judgement at Nueremburg), Charlie Gordon (Flowers for Algernon), Karl (Slingblade), Lennie (Of Mice and Men).

Why are all these characters admirable to me? Is there something you have all been keeping from me all these years? Do you see me as nothing more than a tax credit?

And where the hell is my helmet? MMM Cheese.

Where to start?

This planet is made up of continents. Continents are made up from countries. Countries are made up of nations. (Our) Nation of states. States of counties. Counties of towns. Towns of neighborhoods. Neighborhoods of streets. Streets of houses. Houses of families. Families of people. People of organs. Organs of cells. Cells of Genes. (And now) Genes of epigenomes. Epigenomes of, wait a minute. We aren't sure what to call it just yet, give us a second.

Back to top.

Our planet is part of this solar system. This solar system is part of this galaxy. This galaxy is part of this uh, uh, u-u-universe. This universe is part of ... We can't see or imagine that far. Yet.

We know so much more of what we make up than of what we will make.

I wonder what the "Church" thinks of that?

And, yes, of course I have.

"Message delivered at. 7.:14. P.M., August. 20., Nineteen. Eighty. Seven"

I love how when my buddy Todd calls, and he leaves a message like it is 1987 and I have one of those old timey answering machines. You remember, with those little micro-cassettes? The good old days when you could screen your calls, and the callers message would be broadcast throughout the house. Todd's are always "Hey buddy, I know you are there, pick up. Come on dude, get out of bed and pick up the phone, dude, pick up, dude, come on"

He sounds like he is trying to talk you down from the ledge. Or that you are sitting, alone, in the dark, your face illuminated only the red blinking zero on the "machine", spinning the barrel of your Colt .22, twirling your red wine glass by the stem, considering all the ways that life has failed you.

Hey, Dude, maybe I'm just sleeping off a good buzz from drinking 17 beers today! Now I am fucking awake and it will only take me 13 more beers before I pass out for the night. And I was budgeted for a full 24! And it will only be 9:30 PM! Dude. No. Dude!

PS: I don't own a gun. And Colt does make a twenty-two, right? Or just that cheap beer? Dude?

The sky is falling, the sky is falling!

Get out the charts! Get the LED Screen powered up! Get my poncho dry cleaned! Stat!

(Surgery doctor: "I can't do this job alone. Nurse get me another doctor. Stat." Surgery nurse: "Paging Dr. Stat. Dr. Stat. Dr Stat come to the E.R. right away")

Holy Shit! This is the moment the Weather Channel has been waiting for since last November 1. Hurricanes! Oh my fucking God, a Hurricane is a coming! It's gonna be a KILLER STORM! We gotta make up for the slow season so far. This is our chance!

Seriously. No seriously. We have a tropical storm. A mild tropical storm. A newly formed, mild tropical storm. How did the Weather Channel become Fox "news" in 20 minutes?

They aren't referring to countries, states or sovereign nations, but to "targets". This HURRICANE is pissed and its coming for ya! And that EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE in the Eastern United States should be on alert! They are focused on the fact that "this is a huge concentration over land". I remember that when the concentration was over water (warm water) was when we should be concerned. Why do they keep changing the laws of physics on me?

Jim Cantore says "The Florida Keys may, repeat may, need to evacuate on Sunday night. That's not my call, that is up to the E.O.C." But clearly implying that if it were his decision, he'd issue the panic order right now. And, just now, commenting on how well prepared Florida is, he did suggest that if you don't have the flood insurance, you may want to get it right now. Right Now! Jim Cantore can kiss my dick.

There was this one time when he worked for NBC in Miami, and I was in a gay bar after hours. I'm just saying, I just remember a bald head and these wide, wide shoulder pads! (Hi Mom! Thanks for reading!)

And what, exactly, is it with the shoulder pads? Both J.C. and that gee.org.ge.us black guy that looks like he was carved out of delicious chocolate cream cheese. Between them, they've got like 8 feet of shoulders! Who coordinates the two of them getting onto to the set together? I'm picturing a team like the wranglers of the Garfield balloon float during Macy's parade.

Should this be my last post, due to flooding, impalement or decapitation I was unprepared for, nay, scoffed at, please re-read my posts on Rita. I feel I sounded much more mentally balanced then.

Godspeed.

And now, your local on the eights. "Saturday, Partly cloudy, 10% chance of rain. Sunday: Sunny, 10% chance of rain. Monday: Sunny, 10% chance of rain" No. Fucking. Shit.

Are we an island?

I don't get it. Back in July, there were hearings on "The abuses of power of the Executive Office" aka: "Would somebody just impeach and try for war crimes this motherfucker already!"
So they went nowhere. So nobody really thought that they would. So everybody says "why bother? He'll be out of office soon enough, and that just distracts from the current problems"
Well he is the current problem and by actually reacting to the problem and actually obeying some of our own nations laws we might just show the rest of the world that WE believe in democracy, we can take the first of a thousand steps to repair our nations world image.
So we did it!!!! We took that step and showed the world!!!

Le Monde: French newspaper, self proclaimed left perspective:
Search "Impeach" Results May of 2006 re: Ferdinand Marcos
Al jazeera: Arabic Newspaper, and they Hate us!
Search "Impeach" Results, July 2008 Thai president impeachment
London Times: Newest post, July 2008 regarding Nixon! Do they not have the Internets over there?

I found no foreign newspaper, in english, reporting on the hearings. WTF.

I thought the whole world looked at the United States every move (no, really I did). Man have we already fallen as the superpower? Has the rest of the world already decided to leave Brittany alone?

Engrish

When you need to make your business attractive to those who speak a language other than your own, you might run the name of your establishment through one of those online translators. You can blindly use the results to have all of your signage reprinted with your new Anglo-fied name and stock up, cause the customers will start a 'comin!

So just a bit more about "Rita"...

Or:

The best explanation of evolution that I. Have. Ever. Heard.

In the beginning, we were all fish. Swimming around in the water. And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby, and the retard baby was different, so it got to live. So Retard Fish goes on to make more retard babies, and then one day, a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its mutant fish hands... and it had butt sex with a squirrel or something and made this Retard frog-squirrel, and then *that* had a retard baby which was a... monkey-fish-frog... And then this monkey-fish-frog had butt sex with that monkey, and that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey... and that made you! So there you go! You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt sex with a fish-squirrel! Congratulations!

Thank you South Park. Brilliant!