Wordsmithery from the Faux "News" website:

You can really go places...

Isn't the Internets funny? You start off, innocently enough, on some non-porn related site, and suddenly, within ten or twenty clicks, and without warning, you end up here



I mean, I could understand if it were a redirect from a Walrus-Gone-Wild porn site, but, I swear, i wasn't looking at porn!

Perhaps "barely gay" is a bit of a misnomer.

Humor me.

So's, there is this lonely little fat kid in Louisiana who discovers and falls in love with a broadway cast album. He obsessively learns every lyric, the phrasing, the nuances. He posts videos of himself singing one of the songs on Youtube.

So's, there is this guy who wrote himself a broadway musical about growing up and having dreams. Well, he see's this kids' video and sends the kid a couple of emails of appreciation.

The kid's gotta be in heaven, hearing from someone whose work you respect so much.

So the kid pesters his Mom to take him all the way to New York to see the matinee show on Thanksgiving day.

After the show, the creator/star of the show meets the kid at the stage door. He has asked all of the cast and crew stay at the theatre. He takes the kid on the set, the song starts and he has the kid sing the song. He gently guides the kid to the correct points on the stage. He is obviously crazy-happy for this kid to be having this experience.

Full orchestra, full cast, full lights. An all out broadway production number. Starring this little kid from nowhere. And the kid does a good job! Just by not pooping his pants on stage.

This post ain't about a showtune. It is about all those dreams, big and small, that we are made to believe cannot happen. It's about believing your cheese and beer soup will win first place at the cheese and beer soup festival. It's about attending, and winning the international solitare championships. It's about quitting smoking. It's about getting off your ass and enjoying yourself. It's about ignoring those voices telling you it can't happen.

Watch this video. Ignore that it is broadway. Ignore that it is a Hip-Hoppity song. Just watch that kid getting his dream. And watch the star of the show behind him. He is getting one of his dreams too.



Now, back to being barely gay. After I delicately dab away the tears softly streaming down my face.

Slow news day...

Today, on CNN Ms. Campbell Brown is all righteous indignation-tious on ya.

Apparently, Gov. Ed Rendell from Pennsytucky says into an open mic that Obama's choice for Homeland Security Janet Napolitano is:

Rendell: Janet's perfect for that job. Because for that job, you have to have no life. Janet has no family. Perfect. She can devote, literally, 19-20 hours a day to it!

Ms. Brown contends that if the nominee were male, that question would not be asked. She wonders if women, of child bearing years may not be considered for a job.She asks if single, childless women are forced to work holidays and weekends. (Um, what?)

She put the sexist spin on that story. I don't see how that is sexist. This coming from someone with no life, I can say that I am devoted to what I do. That was my take.

Ms. Brown needs to stop seeing sexism where there is no sexism. Ms. Brown needs to know that society has advanced. That most people see all other people as equal. Not Sexist, not misogynistic. She needs to stop over-reacting. Unless her lady hormones were acting up today. Then just "oh, oh, just let her go"!

God is Dead

A benevolent God could never allow this to happen.

No, I don't mean the Clinton appointment. I don't mean the tragedy in Mumbai. I don't mean the raucous Greeter-stomping at the Wal-mart. I don't even mean the debacle that was the Rosie O'Donnell Live Variety show (although that was an hour sponsored in part by Satan).

What I mean is this:

Beyonce To Play Singer Etta James In 'Cadillac Records'


Beyonce? That girl from Density's Child? The skinny bitch who struggled with the complex dialogue in Austin Powers-Goldmember? The chick that made Eddie Murphy look like Laurence Oliver in Dreamgirls? The mezzo-soprano one who squeeks the high notes from her breasts? (She has no low notes, stop looking.)

Well, she is a very light skinned black woman with her own blonde wig. Thus ends the similarity.

Also coming to a theater near you:

Brittany Spears in the story of Mother Theresa
Ben Affleck and J-Lo as Ike and Tina
Fiddy Cent as Nelson Mandela
Toby Keith in the biography of Liberace

O' Lord, why hast Thou foresaken us?

And Stop Fucking With My Etta!!!

This is the post that doesn't even need a title, caption, or commentary.

Ann Coulter has Jaw wired shut.

For added irony (like this needs it) do a Google search on "Coulter Jaw" and check out the "Did you mean..." response.

Oh, my sweet delicious irony. How I have missed you.

An uncomfortable passion

Overdramatic, yes. But damn, he makes the clearest sense yet. Oh, Keith, will you marry me?

I'm having this unfamiliar sensation in my chest...

I think they call it HOPE.

Remember my post a few months ago about how none of the overseas newspapers were focusing on the United States? That we should impeach Bush so we could repair our nations reputation in the world? And that "we can take the first of a thousand steps to repair our nations world image" but we just weren't making headlines?

Hope springs eternal. This week on Al Jazeera online (All jazzerie, all the time), "World reacts to Obama's Victory". This gives the offical statements from about 20 different nations around the world. We're a Hit!

With all the optimism this regime change has inspired, we could coast along just on Karma for the first year of Obama's first term (first of five terms I predict. Keep on waiting Hillary).

The best official quote, the first to make me cry just a little was from Britain's housing minister: "It absolutely shakes people's perceptions of the America they loved to hate."

Many of the Comments/Feedback at the bottom of the page are also heartwarming. But if for nothing else, check out the Obama cartoon on the headline picture banner from the China celebration.

I feel all hopefulity inside.

From the Faux news website...

Gay Marriage Riots in California Streets

Riots? Really? Riots?
Hellllllloooooooooo, Mary!

I just wanna see that baby come out of the stroller, bottle of Molotov Cocktail in his tiny fist, nipple aflame.

Bitch, please. You cannot call anything a riot if someone brings Canapes! And if any cars were turned over, it would'nt have been a Miata.
Girl Puh-lease. Hmmmmph!

Update: I just noticed the full headline of "Several Gay Marriage Ban Protesters Arrested in Clashes With Police in California", in comparison to the first line of the article "Seven people were arrested Thursday ..." Hmmm, what word-smithery: Several vs. Seven. Two fewer letters, more concise and more accurate. How incite-full. Jackasses.

I will give all the money I will ever make in my life...

if I could just see one photograph of Cindy McCain, three weeks late for her botox session, without makeup, sans wig, denture free, no wardrobe, jewelery, shoes and no pharmaceuticals.

Just one still picture. But not a video!






Maybe John McCain does deserve to win.

Is it just me?

Or is that chick in the Comcast commercials really annoying? You know, Tina, from TeamTina!
The one who "one day of the year we walk, the other 364 days I plan, I do this, I do that, I take all the burden so you don't have too, you sub-standard pieces of shit". That one with the teeth? All of those scary, scary teeth. She just seems like the greatest pain in the ass alive to me. Someone who even her friends hate. "Friends" who, even when complimenting her on the "great" playlist she made, are really thinking they'd like to punch her in those fucking teeth and you wouldn't even be here if it she hadn't guilt'ed you into this queer-ass walk-a-thon 'cause her third cousins' kid died of cancer, and you couldn't say no without sounding like an asshole.

Yeah, her. Who is distracting me from hating Sarah Palin. (Who seems to be pal'in around with some terrorists of her own. Umm, smell that fresh baked hypocrisy). Tina, stop distracting me!

Remember the Fallen

November 4, 2008. A day of rememberance of those who have fallen over the last eight years. Please join me.

You know what I'm thinking?

I'm thinking that every homeless, crackhead, alcoholic, mentally challenged, street person I see...

May just have a sister that is a "(airquote) good Christian(closequote)", (should I point out the intensity of those airquotes? Maybe I should have used the Helvetica font)and that the sister reminds them of what an unreformed Christian really is, daily, in verse. And chapter.

I thank God for my sister. No, really. I THANK GOD FOR MY SISTER. (I typed that in "Helvetica Bold" , the most sincere of all Fonts).

And I thank God that I am not a homeless, crackhead, alcoholic, umm, fast forward, streetperson.

By the way... My neighbor, a crackhead, alcoholic, mentally challenged, man, whom has a "Christian" sister, He, the NCAmCWhasCS, will be back tomorrow. I'm just sayin'

My Anti-Ed Smiley

This is the one. This is the guy, to whom I am going to pin all of my "why-are-these-people-fucking-up-this-country-with-their-bullshit-and-distraction" anger.

R. Alex Conant. He (?) is credited as being the Republican National Convention's press secretary.
Just a few quotes from Alex:

On Obama acting all "presidenty" on his trip to Germany: Alex Conant, an RNC spokesman, quipped, "At this rate, it's only a matter of days before he opens his presidential library."

On Harry Reids criticism of Bush: Republicans shrugged off the attack, with spokesman Alex Conant saying that the altitude in Denver may have gotten to Mr. Reid.

On Obama's energy policies: “Rather than demanding Americans inflate their tires, Obama should be demanding Congress return to DC to vote on a real energy plan. Obama is wrong: Inflated tires are no substitute for oil drilling and a comprehensive energy plan,” said RNC spokesman Alex Conant.

[Sidebar]
Representative Charlie Rangel underwent an ethics committee investigation for failing to pay taxes on a house he owns in the Dominican Republic. He was found guilty and had to pay $10,800 on Friday. Let me spell that out the long way. Ten thousand, eight hundred dollars.

Rangel was also recently asked "why Democrats appear "afraid" of Palin" and his quoted response was, "You got to be kind to the disabled" (sic).

[Back to my buddy Alex]

Alex on Representative Rangel: "As if achieving new ethical lows was not sufficient, now Rangel is hitting a rhetorical low. Insulting the next vice president will not distract from Rangel's tax scandals," Republican National Committee Spokesman Alex Conant said.

New ethical low? Really Alex? Really? $10,800? That ain't even an old ethical mediocrity. Chump change. A tip for the teenage congressional page for an exceptionally well executed rusty trombone. A down payment for the coke you'd sniff off a post-op trannie hookers newfangled labia. Hell, even John Quincy Adams had that scandal in Ye Olde Mens Roome. This ain't nowhere near a new low.

No Alex. A new ethical low is backroom players spitting out soundbites, distracting from actual issues. A new ethical low is your pithy quips accusing your opponents of doing EXACTLY what you are doing yourself. And then calling them low and cheap for doing it. A new ethical low is registering your own website http://www.alexconant.com/ and having it redirect to http://www.whitehouse.gov/ (with which you have nothing to do, not openly anyhow).

No, I cannot link this prick with the "Lipstick" smoke and mirrors outrage. But I'm sure he is just a part of this tiger-team that is capitalizing on the attention deficit disorder of America.

And if Alex is a woman, I take all of this back. You have just misunderstood all of my above rant. I'll treat her just like any man. But nicer. And I won't stare at her boobies.

PS: I'll explain Ed Smiley another, calmer time.

On Alaskan dating: The odds are good. But the goods are odd.

Posting this here, only 'cause I don't know where else to post. Trust me, it ain't funny.

A response to Sarah Palins "I don't judge" the homos when asked by Charlie Gibson.

December 29, 2006, Governor Palin Vetoed an Alaskan House bill that would "prohibit the commissioner of administration from extending benefits to same-sex partners of state employees". Boo!

The Alaskan Supreme Court had allowed these benefits to be extended on December 19, 2006. Yeah! Good for the Gays (all three of them in Alaska. At least two of them have each other).

Sometime within the next 10 days, the Alaskan State Legislature quickly passed a bill saying that the commissioner of administration could deny those benefits. Boo! Bad for the Gays.

But, Governor Palin vetoed the bill. Stating that the Alaskan Supreme court would find the bill unconstitutional. Yeah, good for the Gays! Thanks Sarah!

"But, no the'aanks".

Of course, she goes on to say, in the veto "Please know that this veto does not signal any change or modification to my disagreement with the Supreme Court order. It is my intention to work with the legislature and to give the people of Alaska an opportunity to express whether these benefits should continue.

http://www.votesmart.org/vetotext/22232.pdf

Suffice it to say, any gay man who decided to wear a moose costume for halloween the next year, quickly disrobed at the sound of helicopters overhead. (Oooh, naked Alaskan men. Yeah!)

Sarah Palins sweet silken tunnel accepts powerful incoming train. Wet and messy wreck follows

Is that sexist of me? Is it wrong that I think she is a cunt, if I equally feel that McCain is a dick? I feel it is just proper use of pronouns.

At least we don't have to wait for Palin to try to debate Biden. She just bit a big one all over the place with Charlie Gibson. What a train wreck. What a pleasure to watch. I can't wait to see the rest of it tonight. Gosh, she knows a lot of words. She can't answer a question for shit, but she can sure stretch out the non-answer.

I'm biased (ya think?) but I don't know how anyone can call her bullshit brilliant. It is not even brilliantly delivered bullshit.

Now, about that flag pin brooch. Really? Isn't that sexist too. A bit too feminine for Obama I feel. What's fair that the men counter with? Red, white and blue jock straps? Flag pin condoms? And who would see them? Besides Lieberman I mean.

Drivin' Miss Daisy

Just home from a Key West to Los Angeles road trip. 2,908 miles. Me, one 70 year old "daffy" yet lovable former hippie chick, three small, yappy type dogs, a broken radio and one CD. I don't remember what the CD was.
One story, then I shall never speak of it again:
"Hmmm, that cloud is shaped like a beagle at his writing desk, with a tennis racket and a candle. That one like a bear in liederhosen on a tractor. Ooo, and that one looks like labia."

I can't begin to describe how my head felt just then. Oh, perhaps you felt it too. I've bathed. A lot.

You scratch my backgammon...

So you know I play a lot of online Backgammon. Like to an obsession. It's nice to get an online opponent that stays with the game, regardless of their win/lose ratio. I have never, never dropped out of a game 'cause it looked like I was going to lose. But the number of people who do! If the first five rolls don't go their way, they will just drop out and start another game. It's like playing with that bratty cousin of ours who would flip the Monopoly board when he started losing!

Then, there is the downside to playing so much. Well, besides the eyestrain and total loss of social skills. I've gotten good. I know most of the right plays for each roll. That makes me a rotten person to play against. And one of my favorite vacation past-times is playing backgammon with my sister. Now I'm just a bore. A pompous, backgammon winning, level 46 vocabulary bore.

Wendy, get practicing! Only 10 months to Puerto Rico! Mom, you could brush up a little too!

Squether-ing

It's a new thing I'm trying on for size. Taking words and squashing them together = Squethering

Crazy + Amazing = Cramazing
Dog + Beach = Deach
Speed + Limit = Splimet
Holy + Fucking + God = Hofod
Fucking + Bitch = Fitch
Street + Light = Stight
Phone + Call = Phall
Republican + National + Convention = Repultion
Hurricane + Force + Winds = Breezy

I think it is going to turn out to be a real tisaver. It may take a while to geusto, but you'll cachon itim.

Literary (special) characters

I've been thinking about some of my favorite characters from books and movies. It started as just a thought about who seemed memorable, but quickly developed a theme.

Forest Gump (Forest Gump), Raymond (Rainman), Ignatius T Reilly (Confederacy of Dunces), Rudolph Peterman (Judgement at Nueremburg), Charlie Gordon (Flowers for Algernon), Karl (Slingblade), Lennie (Of Mice and Men).

Why are all these characters admirable to me? Is there something you have all been keeping from me all these years? Do you see me as nothing more than a tax credit?

And where the hell is my helmet? MMM Cheese.

Where to start?

This planet is made up of continents. Continents are made up from countries. Countries are made up of nations. (Our) Nation of states. States of counties. Counties of towns. Towns of neighborhoods. Neighborhoods of streets. Streets of houses. Houses of families. Families of people. People of organs. Organs of cells. Cells of Genes. (And now) Genes of epigenomes. Epigenomes of, wait a minute. We aren't sure what to call it just yet, give us a second.

Back to top.

Our planet is part of this solar system. This solar system is part of this galaxy. This galaxy is part of this uh, uh, u-u-universe. This universe is part of ... We can't see or imagine that far. Yet.

We know so much more of what we make up than of what we will make.

I wonder what the "Church" thinks of that?

And, yes, of course I have.

"Message delivered at. 7.:14. P.M., August. 20., Nineteen. Eighty. Seven"

I love how when my buddy Todd calls, and he leaves a message like it is 1987 and I have one of those old timey answering machines. You remember, with those little micro-cassettes? The good old days when you could screen your calls, and the callers message would be broadcast throughout the house. Todd's are always "Hey buddy, I know you are there, pick up. Come on dude, get out of bed and pick up the phone, dude, pick up, dude, come on"

He sounds like he is trying to talk you down from the ledge. Or that you are sitting, alone, in the dark, your face illuminated only the red blinking zero on the "machine", spinning the barrel of your Colt .22, twirling your red wine glass by the stem, considering all the ways that life has failed you.

Hey, Dude, maybe I'm just sleeping off a good buzz from drinking 17 beers today! Now I am fucking awake and it will only take me 13 more beers before I pass out for the night. And I was budgeted for a full 24! And it will only be 9:30 PM! Dude. No. Dude!

PS: I don't own a gun. And Colt does make a twenty-two, right? Or just that cheap beer? Dude?

The sky is falling, the sky is falling!

Get out the charts! Get the LED Screen powered up! Get my poncho dry cleaned! Stat!

(Surgery doctor: "I can't do this job alone. Nurse get me another doctor. Stat." Surgery nurse: "Paging Dr. Stat. Dr. Stat. Dr Stat come to the E.R. right away")

Holy Shit! This is the moment the Weather Channel has been waiting for since last November 1. Hurricanes! Oh my fucking God, a Hurricane is a coming! It's gonna be a KILLER STORM! We gotta make up for the slow season so far. This is our chance!

Seriously. No seriously. We have a tropical storm. A mild tropical storm. A newly formed, mild tropical storm. How did the Weather Channel become Fox "news" in 20 minutes?

They aren't referring to countries, states or sovereign nations, but to "targets". This HURRICANE is pissed and its coming for ya! And that EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE in the Eastern United States should be on alert! They are focused on the fact that "this is a huge concentration over land". I remember that when the concentration was over water (warm water) was when we should be concerned. Why do they keep changing the laws of physics on me?

Jim Cantore says "The Florida Keys may, repeat may, need to evacuate on Sunday night. That's not my call, that is up to the E.O.C." But clearly implying that if it were his decision, he'd issue the panic order right now. And, just now, commenting on how well prepared Florida is, he did suggest that if you don't have the flood insurance, you may want to get it right now. Right Now! Jim Cantore can kiss my dick.

There was this one time when he worked for NBC in Miami, and I was in a gay bar after hours. I'm just saying, I just remember a bald head and these wide, wide shoulder pads! (Hi Mom! Thanks for reading!)

And what, exactly, is it with the shoulder pads? Both J.C. and that gee.org.ge.us black guy that looks like he was carved out of delicious chocolate cream cheese. Between them, they've got like 8 feet of shoulders! Who coordinates the two of them getting onto to the set together? I'm picturing a team like the wranglers of the Garfield balloon float during Macy's parade.

Should this be my last post, due to flooding, impalement or decapitation I was unprepared for, nay, scoffed at, please re-read my posts on Rita. I feel I sounded much more mentally balanced then.

Godspeed.

And now, your local on the eights. "Saturday, Partly cloudy, 10% chance of rain. Sunday: Sunny, 10% chance of rain. Monday: Sunny, 10% chance of rain" No. Fucking. Shit.

Are we an island?

I don't get it. Back in July, there were hearings on "The abuses of power of the Executive Office" aka: "Would somebody just impeach and try for war crimes this motherfucker already!"
So they went nowhere. So nobody really thought that they would. So everybody says "why bother? He'll be out of office soon enough, and that just distracts from the current problems"
Well he is the current problem and by actually reacting to the problem and actually obeying some of our own nations laws we might just show the rest of the world that WE believe in democracy, we can take the first of a thousand steps to repair our nations world image.
So we did it!!!! We took that step and showed the world!!!

Le Monde: French newspaper, self proclaimed left perspective:
Search "Impeach" Results May of 2006 re: Ferdinand Marcos
Al jazeera: Arabic Newspaper, and they Hate us!
Search "Impeach" Results, July 2008 Thai president impeachment
London Times: Newest post, July 2008 regarding Nixon! Do they not have the Internets over there?

I found no foreign newspaper, in english, reporting on the hearings. WTF.

I thought the whole world looked at the United States every move (no, really I did). Man have we already fallen as the superpower? Has the rest of the world already decided to leave Brittany alone?

Engrish

When you need to make your business attractive to those who speak a language other than your own, you might run the name of your establishment through one of those online translators. You can blindly use the results to have all of your signage reprinted with your new Anglo-fied name and stock up, cause the customers will start a 'comin!

So just a bit more about "Rita"...

Or:

The best explanation of evolution that I. Have. Ever. Heard.

In the beginning, we were all fish. Swimming around in the water. And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby, and the retard baby was different, so it got to live. So Retard Fish goes on to make more retard babies, and then one day, a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its mutant fish hands... and it had butt sex with a squirrel or something and made this Retard frog-squirrel, and then *that* had a retard baby which was a... monkey-fish-frog... And then this monkey-fish-frog had butt sex with that monkey, and that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey... and that made you! So there you go! You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt sex with a fish-squirrel! Congratulations!

Thank you South Park. Brilliant!

The fan is introduced to the shit.

Live TV, on now

The never scintillating C-Span is broadcasting, live the Congressional hearing on the "Constitutional Limits of Executive Power". Well, that is the official title, but it is better known as "The piss-in-your-pants Dennis Kucinich happy happy funtime hour on Impeachment of the "president" george w bush, kiss my skinny ass "Nancy pelosi off the table" hearings".

As with all Congressional hearings, all of the emotion has been drained of their voices but the words "HJ Res 1345" and "The most appropriate response to this unprecedented behavior is to hold hearings for impeachment" have still caused me to reach tumescence.

Oh, Dennis, work your elfin magic. I may, even still, vote for you for president. Thank you.

Add Diction

Enuciate, Damnit!

Obfuscate the Obsession

Look it up, bitches!

The Blogging for Dummies Handbook say's "when you can't think of something to write, just start typing. Maybe something will come of it"

a s d f j k l "sem" Fascinating!

Started the day cleaning the floor. Anybody need a wig made from dog hair? Went to the dog beach about 1:00 pm. Nobody else there. My least favorite bartender in the world was working. It took her about five minutes to come to the service area side of the bar. She opened with bitching about the customers who just had lunch and only left her a $2.00 tip! Then she asked what I wanted. I've been coming there for three years. I have never ordered anything but a Bud light. Fine. A Bud Light "Could I have a coozy for my beer, please"? "Um, a coozy over here please"? "I see 'em, right there, coozies galore. Louzy with the coozies. Could I possibly have..."

Forget it. I drink a beer in about three minutes anyway. Don't need it. Not worth the irritation.

Dog beach is nice today. Cool water, beautiful horizon. Clear of seaweed. I'm not going to let someone I don't care about ruin my day. Good God my dog is happy! That is really all I care about. Making my dog happy. We've got his favorite toy and I am throwing it far, he hasn't been to the beach in two days and I need to wear him out today. You know, when I want a second beer, it's just going to be aggravating to have to face her again. Well, I'll just have this one beer then. I drink too much anyhow. Ooh, some new dogs show up. They are happy too! Everybody running and jumping and fetching and sniffing stuff. Just to be that happy for five minutes. Fuck her. You know, I left my cellphone and my cash up at the bar for safekeeping. I wonder what she will do to it? It is probably safer here with the homeless people! I'll just go get it. I love it that I can just say to my dog "Drink" and he knows to run up on the deck and get a gullet full of water! I've got the greatest dog on earth. I really do have a pretty good life. Living in paradise. Well, kiss my mother fucking ass! Look who heads to the storage room just as I get to the bar. I'll just pay my bill and be done with it. The bartender, oh, lets call her Rita (cause that is her crunty ass name) totally ignores me, I'm standing there, in plain sight with a five dollar bill in my hand, and she starts restocking the fucking cooler! "Rita", no answer (I am six feet from her) "Rita!" "oh, do you want another beer? (What kind?) "No, I'll just pay up"

I hate that I left her $1.20 tip for a $2.80 beer. But, I am not a small person. I rise above it, stay true to my integrity and move on! Let it go!

Maybe I'll take some leather work to the hotel tonight. I've been making some really cool masks for Fantasy Fest. I really hope they sell. I am really enjoying the work. Creating things from raw material is so satisfying. You know what? Fuck that bitch! I want another beer, but I'll just go down the street and buy a six pack. And I have my own damn coozies in the car! I hate to break up my dogs day like this, but it'l only take a minute. Not to "show her," no, I just want another beer and to move on from this frustration and I can get on with my day!

I got the perfect parking space at the convenience store. Right where I can see the dog from the store and he is in the shade. No wonder she only got a $2.00 lunch tip. I know she didn't even give $2.00 worth of service. This is a nice store, I always forget. They have a great deli counter, good prices on beer and the best non-English speaking staff in the Keys. You know, I should really call someone about her. I can't be the only one to whom she gives shitty service. Someone should speak to manangement about her!

But not me. I don't care. I can't be bothered. I get very few days off and can't spend any of it on negative feelings. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. I've got my beer, my dog and a couple hours on my own. Thank God I brought the raft today. It's nice to get out in the water and out of the blazing sun. And the water is still cool enough to be refreshing. Ah, refreshing water, refreshing beer. Damn it, I should have got my red coozy. This blue one looks like it could be the same beer she, begrudgingly, sold me. If I had the red one, she would see it and know that I've taken my business elsewhere.

Well, thankfully, I've let all that go. I talk the talk that I don't care what other people think of me. But you know that isn't entirely true. But, it's a big enough world for all of us, and bad service does not mean bad person. Perhaps she has some kind of hearing problem. That could answer everything. Perhaps I should point it out to her and gain her friendship and just feel good about helping another person. That is the person I want to be. However, the person that I am wants to kick her in the snizz. (go on, be brave).

Well, that was all three days ago, and I have obsessed over it since then. But writing it out here makes me feel better. Free'r. Lighter.

Perhaps the Handbook was incorrect. Have at least an idea in your head before you start posting. And, for fucks sake, it should not take longer to come up with the title to a post than it takes to write it!

This is exactly how my brain works, not on drugs. Could you imagine...

But really, someone should call management.

Christian Charity?

So's, I got me a new duvet cover. Nothing fancy just a little somethin' new.

Now my old one, it's not so bad. Just a bit faded and some fray-ing round the edges. I hate to just throw it away.

But...

Do I take it to the Salvation Army? Think there is someone in Key West, shopping at the S.A., in need of a duvet cover? Do you think the S.A. has a bunch of naked Duvet's all dusty clogging up the shelves? Am I required to go and purchase a new Duvet with which to be covered by said item?

I am a sea.

And just for Wen:

Tourist: Excuse me, Steve. Do you have an Old Navy Store here in Key West?
Me: No, but we do have THE Navy.

Comparative Literature

Two news stories about Obama re-decorating the Lincoln bedroom in the White House.

FoxNews.com opens with:

"Meanwhile, Barack Obama was asked a question he’s never been posed in his more than 17 months of campaigning at a town hall in Fargo, N.D.
A woman in the audience asked Obama if he would consider redecorating the Lincoln Bedroom with Kente cloth, a woven fabric native to Ghana".

LATimes.com leads with:

"You have all these mementos of Abraham Lincoln, but you have this flat-screen TV in there," Obama told the crowd at the outdoor event."I thought to myself, 'Now, who stays in the Lincoln Bedroom and watches [ESPN's] 'Sports Center'? You've got your clicker. . . . That didn't seem to me to be appropriate. So I might take out the TV, I don't know."You should read when you're in the Lincoln Bedroom! Reread the Gettysburg Address. Don't watch TV."

I'm not saying whom is more accurate. I'm just saying that I HEARD that he was going to repaint the exterior of the building and rename it "The Black House".

Are you fucking kidding me?

Elizabeth Dole Tries to Rename the AIDS Bill After Jesse Helms

July 16, 2008 5:09 ABC News

Oh my. Sen. Elizabeth Dole, R-NC, has officially requested that the ”Tom Lantos and Henry J. Hyde United States Global Leadership Against HIV/AIDS, Tuberculosis, and Malaria Reauthorization Act of 2008" be also named after the late Sen. Jesse Helms, R-NC.
"That is bizarre," Rep. Barney Frank, D-Mass., told me this afternoon when I told him this news. "That is absolutely bizarre. The Lantos-Hyde-Helms… the idea that anyone would want to do that is ludicrous...I would try to think of something that would be less appropriate, but even with my disregard for convention it would be hard to do that."

The blog Joe.My.God has recalled many of Helms' AIDS-related comments:

Jesse Helms, the man who in 1987 described AIDS prevention literature as "so obscene, so revolting, I may throw up."

Jesse Helms, the man who in 1988 vigorously opposed the Kennedy-Hatch AIDS research bill, saying, "There is not one single case of AIDS in this country that cannot be traced in origin to sodomy."

Jesse Helms, the man who in 1995 said (in opposition to refunding the Ryan White Act) that the government should spend less on people with AIDS because they got sick due to their "deliberate, disgusting, revolting conduct."

There has got to be another sewage plant somewhere that needs renaming instead.

FreeRice.com Definition of the Day

Misanthropy
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Misanthropy is a general dislike, distrust, or hatred of the human species, or a disposition to dislike and/or distrust other people. The term is also applicable to those who self-exile themselves or become loners because of the aforementioned feelings. The word comes from the Greek words μίσος ("hatred") and άνθρωπος ("man, human being"). A misanthrope or misanthropist is a person who dislikes or distrusts humanity as a general rule.

To Honor

San Francisco Public Utilities Commission
The Oceanside Treatment Plant, which some San Franciscans would like to rename for President Bush.
A San Francisco measure seeking to commemorate President Bush's years in office by slapping his name on a city sewage plant has qualified for the November ballot.
The measure certified Thursday would rename the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant the George W. Bush Sewage Plant.
Backers say the idea is to commemorate the mess they claim Bush has left behind by actions such as the war in Iraq.
Local Republicans say the plan stinks and they will oppose it.

Art

So's, Comedy Central has brought back "The Gong Show". Not really high-brow when it aired back in the, lets say, 1920's, but maybe worth another go round.

I made it three minutes.

Two words. Midget Wrestling. That was enough to make me reach for the remote. Ah, but I was not quick enough. They brought it down yet even another impossible notch. Andy Dick wrestling midgets.

I changed the channel in horror, worried that Paris Hilton would be up next.

Oh, Uncle Milty and the other frontiersmen in TeeVee. Where are you? You could have beaten those midgets. While wearing a dress!

I drinks a bit

I knew I was drinking too much. I would get up to get a fresh cocktail, and the ice from the previous drink had not even melted a little.

But remember, I keep the air conditioning on.

Fun with Fido

My dog Mike and I play this game, a lot!

Me: Who is the cutest boy in the house?

Mike: (Blank stare)

Me: No, you are.

Mike: (Blank stare)

Me: No, you are.

Mike: (Blank stare)

Me: No, you are.

Mike: (Blank stare)

Me: No, you are.

Mike: (Dialing his I-Phone) Hello, is this the mental health center?

Kellys Krazy Korset Korner

So's I've been working at the Leather Master store a lot lately.

I thought about it today, and my sewing is getting better and betterer every day. Right now I have about the proficency of a 13 year old girl with a particularly patient Home Ec Teacher. But I'll put my Mens Bondage Corsets up to any eighth grader, anywhere!