Monday, December 1, 2008

God is Dead

A benevolent God could never allow this to happen.

No, I don't mean the Clinton appointment. I don't mean the tragedy in Mumbai. I don't mean the raucous Greeter-stomping at the Wal-mart. I don't even mean the debacle that was the Rosie O'Donnell Live Variety show (although that was an hour sponsored in part by Satan).

What I mean is this:

Beyonce To Play Singer Etta James In 'Cadillac Records'


Beyonce? That girl from Density's Child? The skinny bitch who struggled with the complex dialogue in Austin Powers-Goldmember? The chick that made Eddie Murphy look like Laurence Oliver in Dreamgirls? The mezzo-soprano one who squeeks the high notes from her breasts? (She has no low notes, stop looking.)

Well, she is a very light skinned black woman with her own blonde wig. Thus ends the similarity.

Also coming to a theater near you:

Brittany Spears in the story of Mother Theresa
Ben Affleck and J-Lo as Ike and Tina
Fiddy Cent as Nelson Mandela
Toby Keith in the biography of Liberace

O' Lord, why hast Thou foresaken us?

And Stop Fucking With My Etta!!!

1 comment:

Wen said...

I would respectfully like you to defer to our conversation in the fall of the year of 1999, when I told you life will never be again as we know it, with the up coming movie of "The wild, wild west" starring the ever so black Will Smith...and there for I give you case closed on making since of anything anymore from that day to this.
P.S. Marky Mark (Boogie Nights) and Val Kilmer (Wonderland) as John Holmes...PALEEZE!