My Anti-Ed Smiley

This is the one. This is the guy, to whom I am going to pin all of my "why-are-these-people-fucking-up-this-country-with-their-bullshit-and-distraction" anger.

R. Alex Conant. He (?) is credited as being the Republican National Convention's press secretary.
Just a few quotes from Alex:

On Obama acting all "presidenty" on his trip to Germany: Alex Conant, an RNC spokesman, quipped, "At this rate, it's only a matter of days before he opens his presidential library."

On Harry Reids criticism of Bush: Republicans shrugged off the attack, with spokesman Alex Conant saying that the altitude in Denver may have gotten to Mr. Reid.

On Obama's energy policies: “Rather than demanding Americans inflate their tires, Obama should be demanding Congress return to DC to vote on a real energy plan. Obama is wrong: Inflated tires are no substitute for oil drilling and a comprehensive energy plan,” said RNC spokesman Alex Conant.

[Sidebar]
Representative Charlie Rangel underwent an ethics committee investigation for failing to pay taxes on a house he owns in the Dominican Republic. He was found guilty and had to pay $10,800 on Friday. Let me spell that out the long way. Ten thousand, eight hundred dollars.

Rangel was also recently asked "why Democrats appear "afraid" of Palin" and his quoted response was, "You got to be kind to the disabled" (sic).

[Back to my buddy Alex]

Alex on Representative Rangel: "As if achieving new ethical lows was not sufficient, now Rangel is hitting a rhetorical low. Insulting the next vice president will not distract from Rangel's tax scandals," Republican National Committee Spokesman Alex Conant said.

New ethical low? Really Alex? Really? $10,800? That ain't even an old ethical mediocrity. Chump change. A tip for the teenage congressional page for an exceptionally well executed rusty trombone. A down payment for the coke you'd sniff off a post-op trannie hookers newfangled labia. Hell, even John Quincy Adams had that scandal in Ye Olde Mens Roome. This ain't nowhere near a new low.

No Alex. A new ethical low is backroom players spitting out soundbites, distracting from actual issues. A new ethical low is your pithy quips accusing your opponents of doing EXACTLY what you are doing yourself. And then calling them low and cheap for doing it. A new ethical low is registering your own website http://www.alexconant.com/ and having it redirect to http://www.whitehouse.gov/ (with which you have nothing to do, not openly anyhow).

No, I cannot link this prick with the "Lipstick" smoke and mirrors outrage. But I'm sure he is just a part of this tiger-team that is capitalizing on the attention deficit disorder of America.

And if Alex is a woman, I take all of this back. You have just misunderstood all of my above rant. I'll treat her just like any man. But nicer. And I won't stare at her boobies.

PS: I'll explain Ed Smiley another, calmer time.