My Psychopharmacologist and I.

I'm going thru some stuff right now.

I really like my new job at the Animal Shelter. It's hard work, physically exhausting as a matter of fact, but I feel good about myself at the end of the day, and sleep really well. I really enjoy caring for the dogs, the dogs seem to like me too. The cats, meh, they are cats, "like" is not something they do.

You know my work ethic. I go "all in" everyday. After I leave there each day, I literally wring out my socks from sweat, disinfectant and dog piss. And feel like I accomplished something.

And I listen.

On Day One, someone mentioned that it was a pain to keep the ratty-ass CD's playing in the ratty-ass CD players we had. (The dogs are calmed by classical music, the staff not-so-much) Someone pointed out that you can't get in or out of the doors when it rains because the guttering pours rain down on you from varying, inconvenient places. I noticed some of the fencing and gates would not easily open or shut (Kinda important when you are trying to wrangle a wild dog). The door lock on the clinic was temperamental, but if you kept a piece of masking tape on the knob, and pushed and turned (but only turned to the right one quarter of a turn) it would usually open for you. And the makeshift two-by-four hand rails on the steps were a lawsuit waiting to happen, so the Boss had closed off the stairway with caution tape.

Reaction/Response

I took all of the classical music CD's home and copied them onto my I-Pod. I then donated my I-Pod and docking station to the shelter. Music has been playing ever since/It has not been mentioned by the staff or management.

I went to Home Depot and bought several pieces of guttering repair and fixed all the places that needed fixed/It has not been mentioned (Yes, it has rained several times).

Fences fixed, re-adjusted, fixed again, will be an ongoing project forever/Zip.

I called a friend who is a locksmith and we got the knob replaced. For free./No word.

Although the carpentry job on the stairs was way above my skill level, I got tired of seeing the staff come out of the office, head for the stairs, realize that they were still blocked off, mutter "fuck" under their breath and walk back around the long way and so I fixed the handrails. True, they look a bit like Frankensteins monster, but they are solid/The Boss told me it was good to have a "handyman" around. Nothing from the staff.

None of the above tasks are my job. They aren't anybodies job. Therefore, they are every bodies job. I do enjoy doing things like these. I do them in addition to my job.

I am not a delicate flower. If anything, my ego is too strong. I am self-motivating, self-assured and self-cleaning.

But for Goddamn-Fuckity-Fuck! If I don't get a "thank you" soon I'm gonna lose my mind! I already have a full time job that doesn't appreciate me! I don't need another one. And that first job has made me so bitter and angry, if anybody else piles on I will lose the little hope that I still have!

I realize this is all a reaction to the Faggoty-Fucks I work for at the Guesthouse. I hate to admit it, but they have ruined me. I now refuse to go "all in" for another job for five years and get taken for granted every day, just hoping upon hope that someone will see and appreciate.

Confucius say: Doing good job in this place is like pissing yourself in dark blue suit. You get nice warm feeling, but no one notice.

I plan on talking to the Bosses at the animal shelter. Just to tell them what I need. Not my ass kissed. Not a raise. Just some occasional appreciation. And when they do tell me "Thank You" I will tell them "Oh, don't mention it".

Full disclosure: I counted out my Med's last night. I'm out of one of my anti-depressants. Have been for several days. Hmmm. All of the above is all true, with no exaggeration. My feelings about these truths may be a bit skewed. At least I know the medications work!